Kat's Joylicious Life

Just Deal~

2011-06-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

How do you learn to overcome disappointment? Especially when it is of your own making? I have been working and working on my personal goals and it seems everytime I get to where I can just taste it I feel it gets snatched from me! I know I have to learn patience and it's the universe's way of letting me know I'm not quite ready. But it's hard!

I found this article on E-How.com that I thought I would share with you. Hopefully we can all learn something and move on to wonderful new things!

How to Overcome Disapointment - by Tielle Webb

Everyone experiences disappointment in life. Not the disappointment you feel when trying to make a green light, but it changes just before you get there, or you open the fridge to grab a soda only to discover there aren’t any. We are talking major disappointment. The distress, frustration and sadness you feel when you have your heart set on something--a job promotion, or getting into a certain college, for example--only to learn it is not going to happen. Getting over these big letdowns in life can be tough, but not impossible.

Instructions

1) Give yourself a chance to grieve. When you are feeling disappointed, it is because you are suffering a loss. Even though the loss might not have been a physical one, an emotional loss is still very real. In your heart and mind you had envisioned and maybe even fallen in love with whatever you were hoping for. Nurse those wounds for a while.

2) Ask questions and try to learn from the situation. For example, if you were passed over for a promotion at work, talk to your supervisor about what you could have done differently to earn the job,

3) Take steps to prevent being similarly disappointed in the future. If you are disappointed in a relationship, find ways to improve that relationship or perhaps walk away from it. If you are seeking better employment but have been unsuccessful, consider taking some college classes or brushing up on interviewing skills.

4) Help someone else. When we are down and disappointed, it is easy to have a kind of tunnel vision where we only see our pain and hurt. By reaching out and lending a hand to someone else who is hurting, your focus will be taken from your own disappointment, at least for a while, and it will give you something positive to concentrate on.

5) Realize that many times in life, when we don't get the thing we really want, something much better comes along down the road. Think back on times when you were seriously disappointed in the past, only to later be so glad that whatever you were hoping for didn't come to pass. Then, take every day as it comes, knowing that as time passes, the pain will pass as well.

Watch Out~

2011-05-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about all the hurdles that I have been jumping to achieve my current goals and I've come to some conclusions!

1) Don't get in your own way. - I'm the worst at this. I will fret and fuss and worry myself and end up not accomplishing anything. I need to learn to let go and let things happen the way they are supposed to. Not be so controlling.

2) Don't expend energy on negatives in your life. - This includes friends, co-workers and even family. Even though I work for a newspaper, I try to avoid watching or reading excessive news. It upsets me and depresses me and that isn't healthy. Most of it is out of my control so it works better for me to avoid it. I also try to stay away from negative people or clear their energy if I do have to be around them for extended periods of time.

3) "Don't dip into the past to be miserable in the present moment." quote by Louise Hay. - I'm just as bad as most people when it comes to looking backwards instead of forward in my life. I will dredge up old hurts or lacks and focus on them or wallow in them instead of what's important right now. The past is over. It can't hurt me anymore than I let it and it shouldn't affect the direction I now want my life to go.

4) Don't make it harder than it has to be. - Making more work for yourself or more drama for yourself isn't productive. It doesn't do you any good and it doesn't do anything to enhance your life. Let things flow downstream. Quit fighting the current!

5) Don't beat yourself up. - Everyone makes mistakes. We're human. But correct the mistake and move on. Dwelling doesn't change the mistake but fixing it or changing the pattern does.

6) Don't over-extend yourself. - Cheryl Richardson suggests that we schedule "breathing room" each day for ourselves. Learn to say no. Prioritize your life and make yourself your first priority.

7) Don't think "I can do it all". - Learn to delegate. This one's hard for me. I want to do it all. I think, mistakenly, that I can do it better than anyone else or that it's easier and quicker to do it myself. But I am depriving myself of shared experiences and depriving others of stepping up and helping.

Do - honor yourself and your space.
Do - eat right and get plenty of sleep.
Do - use your energy for good.
Do - be kind to yourself.
Do - ask for help.
Do - give yourself a break.
Do - be gentle with yourself and your health.
Do - meditate and take a breath.
Do - be your own best friend.
Do - be present in your life.
Do - be happy!

Now go...do it!! It's joylicious!

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we celebrated Mother's Day. I hope all the mother's out there were celebrated by their families and treated to a very special day! But I think every day should be Mother's Day and every woman should treat herself as special as all mothers are on that annual Sunday.

Are you taking care of yourself and putting yourself first? I believe that, just like the stewardesses in an airplane advise, you need to put on your own breathing mask first so that you can take care of everyone better in your life and be present for them. Are you taking time for yourself each day?

I used to burn the candle at both ends. I used to stay up late and get up early and I would go-go-go the entire day. Now I take time each day to do some deep breathing. I still wake up early but many mornings I take a few extra minutes to put on my iPod and listen to a favorite morning meditation. I lay all warm and snuggly in my bed and listen to the wonderful words as they wash over me and start my day off on just the right note! I also go to bed earlier these days. Not because there is less to do but because it's better for my health and well-being to get a good night's sleep.

I also am learning how to set good boundaries. How to nicely say no when I'm starting to feel overextended. If I truly don't want to do something or I know that it would be detrimental to my health then I politely say, "let me think about that" or "that just doesn't work with my schedule right now". Putting my needs first makes me a better and more whole person when I am needed by others. Sometimes "not working with my schedule" can just mean that I'm going to take this hour to read a good book. Or that I'm going to take a cat nap or a hot bath. But I'm babying myself and watching out for my health so that in turn I can watch out for my father's health or my daughter's well-being.

I also try to find reasons to laugh more. Laughter can strengthen your immune system and promote healing. It's good for your heart and good for stress. And why wouldn't anyone not want to laugh? I recently read a great article on Livestrong.com that was the 12 Reasons to laugh for your health. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14964-12-fun-reasons-to-laugh-for-your-health/ I would think it would be good for many more than 12 reasons but this is an excellent start!

I'm trying to exercise more as well. Not as much as I should but I think every reason to laugh is also the same reason to exercise. It's great for stress and it raises your energy level. Especially if you walk outside it is an excellent mood elevator. I always feel better when I walk outside. We have several walking paths along creeks around my office. It makes a nice break in the day to walk along watching the ducks swimming and kids playing in the softball fields instead of eating at my desk and rushing through my day.

And the best part of laughter and exercise is that they are both free! An easy way to take care of ourselves and neither one of them adds weight or is hard on your pocket book!

So stop and enjoy your life today. Stop and take a moment. Take a breath. And then you can get on to the business of life and, if necessary, caregiving. Joylicious!!

Spring has Sprung~

2011-05-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

I sat outside at lunch today to soak up some sunhine. It is a balmy 54 degrees and not a cloud in the sky! I am so excited for spring to get here and eventually summer. I love that the days are getting longer. I just wish that we would start to have more sunny days and not such chilly nights.

I read yesterday that many Seattleites are still not wanting to plant their gardens yet as it still gets down to almost freezing each night. And April was noted as the coldest ever recorded since 1890 something. I yearn for the warmth on my skin and the breezes of fresh cut grass and flowers. The apple blossoms blooming got me in the mood and now the tulips and daffodils are just beautiful!

I wore only a tank top and short sleeve shirt today and as I sat huddled on the steps of the building, goose bumps on my arms, it amused me to see other people's reactions to the elusive sun here. I watched joggers in shorts and tank tops running down the street. I saw convertibles with the tops down and the drivers wearing coats and caps! I could hear the frogs from North Creek and see the ducks waddling around looking for food. There was a group of guys playing soccer in the field across the street. Their exuberance catching. We love our sun here. We don't get enough of it.

They are calling for rain again tomorrow and through next week. So today I'm going to soak up as much as I can and hope it's only light showers tomorrow and not rain. (Only a Washingtonian would understand that!) And I'm hopeful it's gone by next Friday as I'm going to the Rhody festival in Port Townsend for the weekend. But even if it isn't sunny I know there will be a big crowd enjoying ourselves at the fair looking at all the beautiful rhododendrons! Joylicious fun!!

My Two Cents~

2011-05-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time today wrapping my head around the death of Osama Bin Laden. I think it's good that there is one less evil in the world but I personally don't agree that you should ever rejoice in someone's death. And I worry about retribution from the Taliban. I see people rejoicing and celebrating in the streets crying, "USA, USA, USA!" and I wonder if the people in the middle east look upon that as we did them when they were rejoicing and shouting "Allah, Allah" after the nightmare of 9/11.

I heard it described on the news very well tonight when someone said, "they cut off the head of the snake but there is still a lot of snake left". This was said by a father of a soldier killed in Afganistan not some peace loving hippie. I worry about what could come of these actions of celebration. I am glad all the Navy Seals are ok. I'm glad that they recovered as much information from the compound as they did after the fighting. But I have a real hard time rejoicing over this death and any war of any kind.

Everyone says they have God on their side. But we are all children of God so how does that make any side right? Or does that make every side right? I'm saying a prayer for Bin Laden's soul and a prayer for our country tonight.

Dear Lord, please keep us all safe. Amen.

ps - Some of the facebook rants and comments have been very disturbing to me too. I'm tempted to cancel my account. I want to read about my family and friends and their happy lives. I don't want to read about politics, war, or other soap box issues. Just my two cents...

It's a Blessed Life

2011-04-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

I feel truly blessed lately. I have had so many wonderful things happen to me since I started the Dr. Pat Holistic Makeover. I have been gifted coaching sessions with some of the most amazing people.

First up was life coach Sharon Roy, http://www.raisinggrace.com/. I was gifted 3 sessions with this gentle, loving, and truly amazing woman. I can say with absolute truth that my sessions with her were life changing. She has such a sweet way with guiding you through life’s journey. I really admire her greatly!

Sharon and I worked on my lifelong feelings of lack of self-worth. I have always struggled with the fact that I don’t feed the hungry, or heal people, or have any huge accomplishments that are physical proof that I’m making a difference in the world or in anyone’s life. Sharon helped me see that just by my being an open hearted, loving person, bringing my messages of joy to people can sometimes mean more to the universe than someone who makes lots of physical changes to the world but does them with the wrong intentions. That meant so much to me! I have been working ever since on living with an open heart.

This very wise woman also told me that where I was in my life was "perfect". That the fact that I never heard from my ex after our split was a blessing and all the closure I needed. She said, "rejection is perfection". It is the universe's way of telling us that a person or situation aren't right for us. We shouldn't take it personally and we shouldn't fret over the outcome. Just bless the moment and move on. This is a life lesson that I will always thank her for!

Next up in my journey was being introduced to realtor Cathy Staup, http://cathystauphomes.com/. She is going to guide me to realizing my lifelong dream of owning my own home. I was very skeptical at first. I have struggled with money issues and my finances all of my adult life. But I have also worked very hard over the past two years to pay off my old debt and live frugally by downsizing twice and not purchasing anything new, including clothes, during that two year period. She introduced me to her mortgage broker and between the two of them they told me I should be ready to purchase a home this summer!

This brought up a whole new set of issues for me. First of all, I figured I wouldn’t be ready to purchase a home for at least 12 months. Now they were telling me 4 months? I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. Second, it started to bring up the “I’m not worthy” issues in me. All the self-doubt that I have always struggled with bubbled up like I had never worked on any of it just as recently as speaking with Sharon Roy two months earlier! Cathy was wonderful in reassuring me that it would all go smoothly with her guidance along the way. I’m putting my trust in her that it will come true!!

Enter Paul McCormick, http://theauthenticmillionaire.com/, author and millionaire mentor, as my next coach. He sent me an MP3 of his book “The Secrets of the Millionaire Inside” and said we would talk soon. I downloaded the book to my iPod wondering, “What is Dr. Pat thinking assigning a millionaire coach to me?” I didn’t want to be a millionaire! I just want to be happy, comfortable, and someday retire without worries. Oh, and own my own home! Now I was really skeptical of this process. What could I possible have to say to him? I was also very nervous to contact him. I didn’t want to disturb or bother someone with my little problems when I’m sure he was busy making millions and working on huge financial deals. But I listened to the book and sent off a tentative email. He responded a little curt and gave me an assignment. Yikes! I hadn’t even talked to him yet and I already had homework. But I was going on faith and trusting the process. I was going on the hope that Dr. Pat had a bigger plan in mind and that the universe had given me what I really needed and not what I thought I wanted.

So I completed the homework and contacted him again. I was so nervous during our first conversation. I told him what I had written as my goals both financially and professionally. And I got up the courage to tell him that I truly didn’t want to be a millionaire. We talked for a long time on that first conversation. I told him about my family life including raising my daughter as a single parent with no spousal support and my history with money. I told him of my dream of owning a home and retiring comfortably. He then changed tactics with me. He asked me if I was spiritual. I told him “absolutely”. So he offered to mail me a copy of his first book which he felt I would get a whole lot more out of than his “Secrets of the Millionaire Inside” book. I received the book within a couple of days. It’s called “Secrets of the Miracle Inside”. I couldn’t believe he autographed a copy of it and sent me a hard copy of his “Millionaire” book autographed too. I felt honored! And I absolutely LOVE his first book. I lent it to my daughter and bought a copy for my friend, one of last year’s Holistic Makeover winners, for her birthday.

Over the next several weeks Paul and I worked out a budget and an 8-step program to get me financially free and owning my own home! I still have trouble believing it some days. When I get discouraged and feel like things happen, I call them setbacks, he has had me rename them stepping stones. They are the stepping stones to my future! It might take me a little longer than some people and I might have to step over a few more stones along the way but I’m starting see the other side! I see a really good stable future for myself. And that’s amazing to me! He told me that next year after I own my home we can work on making me a millionaire. I just laughed! He is confident it can happen and I almost believe him!

During the past several months I have also been on a weight loss journey. I began a diet with my naturopath physician and lost the 50 lbs I had gained over the previous two years plus an additional 10 pounds! I feel better than I have in years. My aches and pains are almost gone. I have gone down 3 sizes and continuing to lose. Dr. Pat then offered 3 sessions with naturopathic nutritionist Beve Kindblade, http://www.seattlenutrition.com/. I went to see her one Saturday and the first thing she did was give me a test to gauge how well my metabolism works. And it works very well actually! Probably due to my stringent dieting for the 5 preceding months.

Beve also had me go back to my doctor and get tested for allergies. That was a real eye opener! I thought I was allergic to wheat but found out that I’m not. But I am allergic to many other things including dairy and tomatoes. So I went back to see Beve an additional two times. She changed my diet and put me on a regimen of supplements guaranteed to assist me in my weight loss. And between her and my doctor they are working on eliminating the inflammation that has plagued my knees and feet for years.

I’m so excited to be working with Beve. She is a wealth of information. So much so that she fills page after page of information for me to take home after each session. And my head swirls with all the good ideas and helpful suggestions she imparts. I am going to continue to work with her on my own and get as healthy as I can during the balance of this year.

I have truly made some dear, wonderful friends during the process of this Holistic Makeover. Seven of the most amazing women I have ever known (this includes Dr. Pat). I know that I will be friends with them for the rest of my life and I will always feel like I have a cosmic connection with them and have learned so much from each one of them. We have all struggled together and supported each other. We hold each other up. We are Dr. Pat’s amazing Team of 7!

But I think the biggest lesson I have learned during this whole Holistic Makeover process is that the world is full of possibilities. That miraculous things can happen when you trust the universe to give you what you need. It’s amazing!

The other thing I discovered is that I can write! I have written a couple of articles and even submitted one to Aspire Magazine. I haven’t heard back yet but one never knows! I want to continue writing and submit articles to other magazines as well. And I love writing my blog and wish I had more time to devote to it. I would even like to possibly write a book someday. Maybe when I’m sitting on the porch of my new home as a retired, skinny, millionaire?

You never know…life and the universe is so amazing that way! And that is truly joylicious!

Speak Kindly

2011-04-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Another good one from Cheryl Richardson!

Speak Kindly

Last week I had a conversation with a friend who was disappointed in herself for not achieving a goal that she intended to accomplish. As I listened to her talk about what she could have done differently, I was amazed at how hard she was on herself. Really hard. Isn't it strange how we actually think that berating ourselves will somehow make a positive difference? On the contrary, this negative habit usually keeps us stuck and unhappy. Negative self-talk is always a roadblock on the path to success.

To gain a bit of perspective, imagine saying the following to a teenager who was attempting to fulfill an important goal:

You don't have what it takes.
I'll never get it right.
Lower your expectations. You're not good enough.
It's already been done. Don't bother.
You should have accomplished this goal by now.

How often do you say these kinds of things to yourself? Every now and then? Every other day? Every day? Every few minutes? Come on! You're so much more than that.

As you continue to live your life and to invest in your personal growth, please remember the following:

Be patient with yourself. If it takes you longer to get where you want to go, there might be a reason for it. If you could rise above your life and view it from a higher perspective you'd see exactly why things happen as they do. Allow for Divine timing. It works.

Ask for help and guidance. I still catch myself trying to go it alone during the most challenging of times. Slowly but surely I am learning that isolation not only slows down my progress, it makes me feel incredibly alone. You don't need to suffer in silence. Give someone an opportunity to help you. They'll get to experience the joy and pleasure that comes from being a generous spirit.

Embrace your disappointment and begin again. You will always face disappointment when you allow yourself to want more from life. And you can live through it. As you face disappointment and come out the other side, you'll develop self-trust - a deep inner knowing that you can handle anything that comes your way.

Speak kindly to yourself. Think of yourself as the teenager in the example above. When you're feeling discouraged the last thing you need is a critical parent beating you up. Instead, give yourself a gentle, loving reminder that your goals aren't nearly as important as your relationship to yourself.

When you feel stuck or unsure of your next step, keep your heart and mind open with positive self-talk. As you do, you'll find that wisdom and insight suddenly appear to guide you in the right direction.

Oh the Dilemma!

2011-04-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

I have been seriously dieting since last September. I was on a medically supervised diet for 5 months and lost 58 lbs. In February I quit the diet in order to work on achieving one of my other goals which is owning my own home. With that said, I was hoping to continue losing weight on my own. But this is such a challenge for me!

Thanks to being a winner of the Dr. Pat Bacilli Holistic Makeover contest, I was gifted coaching sessions with several different types of coaches. I have worked with life coach Sharon Roy, http://www.raisinggrace.com/Home_Page.html, and I am currently working with author and millionaire mentor Paul McCormick, http://theauthenticmillionaire.com/. In addition to these two fabulous people I was also gifted 3 sessions with holistic naturopathic nutritionist Beve Kindblade, www.seattlenutrition.com.

The intention was that in working with Beve I could, and would, continue on my weight loss path. But that hasn't worked out as well as I had planned! I am finding that my will power is non-existent. I had a birthday in March and it seems as if it has been non-stop birthday party central ever since with my friends and family celebrating several during the past few weeks. I try, Lord knows, to keep to a diet but it has been so difficult.

Beve is an amazing woman and such a wealth of diet information that it boggles the mind to the point of almost being overwhelming as I try to absorb everything she tells me. She had me go to my regular doctor and get allergy tested. I found, to my amazement, that I have a severe allergy to tomatoes! How bizarre! I'm also allergic to dairy milk so I am trying to adjust to unsweetened almond milk instead. This is hard as well for me as I love my cereal and milk in the morning! But I'm thinking that if I can control my allergies maybe I can control other parts of my diet too! And then, eventually, other aspects of my life.

I guess the deeper problem though is why do I feel the need to eat bad things? If I have cookies or crackers or anything carbs in my house I will eat it. It's like it calls my name in the middle of the night! I can't eat one or two cookies. I have to eat the whole bag. Carbs are not my friend!!! Beve told me that when you crave carbs it is because you aren't eating enough protein. I tend to believe that a little bit because sometimes when I get a craving I grab some cooked chicken and eat it and it helps take the craving away. I do the same thing when I'm craving sweets by grabbing an apple. Sometimes I even bake the apple with cinnamon and nutmeg and I feel like I'm having dessert!

I eat my salad and protein, drinking my water and minding my own business, and then I get side-tracked. A party here, a concert/late night dinner there, a night where I'm stressed or depressed, or just too tired to cook, and before you know it…bam…a piece of cake eaten, a bag of cookies gone, and on and on. And then I feel yucky, my scale is going the wrong direction, and I beat myself up once again.

One of the things I'm realizing about myself is that if I am held accountable to someone I will be more likely stay on the diet. But even having to see Beve this weekend hasn't made behave this time. So that can't be all of it. I have to dig into my soul and try and figure this out. What is my resistance to losing weight? What is my resistance to feeling good? What payoff am I giving myself by eating poorly instead of a beautiful and healthy body? It's such a dilemma to me!

Stepping Stones

2011-03-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted. I've been so busy working with new coaches to achieve all my dreams. But that has come with a price of lots of homework!! And even though it's all good it's very time consuming! But I wanted to start writing again and will try to be more faithful in it each day.

Have you ever noticed that when you put a wish or an intention out into the universe and, you are so sure it's going to come true, suddenly things start to go wrong? You start saying to yourself...why do these things always happen to me? Or you feel like your dream is slipping further and further away from you no matter how hard you strive to achieve it? The harder you work the further the goal gets?

I have felt like one of those samurai warriors recently. Using my arms to dodge and deflect all of the road blocks and incoming negativity that I have come into my path lately! I'm trying to change my perspective. I'm trying to view these challenges not as road blocks but as stepping stones to my ultimate goal. To the future I desire and intend to have. It might take me a little longer. I might have to jump through more hoops. I might change my direction more than once. But I'm not taking my eyes off the prize. I'm not changing my intention no matter what circumstances arise. I'm am just taking a longer, slower path!

I know the direction I want to take. I know what I'm capable of and I won't take no for an answer. Even if I have to ask 15 times and ask 15 different people or try 15 different scenarios. It's just the process or journey I'm on right now. And I will stay true to myself through out.

Someone quoted to me recently, "the most successful people are the biggest losers". And it's so true. Because they take the most risks, ask the most often, get turned down the most often, and work the hardest trying new things over and over until they reach their goals. What's that saying? "Never give up, never surrender!" That should be my new motto!

So if you see me flailing my arms around in my samarai poses know I'm working towards my goals and I will definitely achieve them. Hai! Joylicious!!~

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2011-02-26T13:50:00.000-08:00

I just watched a video my brother posted on Facebook of a baby laughing hysterically as her dad ripped up a job rejection letter. He then proceeded to rip up credit card bills as she continued to laugh and laugh.

It brought tears to my eyes at the same time that I was smiling at the baby's exuberance and joy at the sound that ripping made! It reminded me that the details that adults sweat over, the credit card bills, the job rejection notices, the lack and stresses of life that we all get caught up in, don't mean anything to a small baby or child. And if you think about it, those things don't mean anything at the end of your life either.

Life shouldn't be about what you have or don't have, what you did or didn't get, what your bills are about. Life is about moments of laughter, love, and joy. The memories that you make with family and friends. Not the negatives and feelings of lack, loss, and not being "enough". Especially when you don't know when those memories will end.

A co-worker of mine lost his 23 year old son last week to suicide. He was a handsome, strapping young man with his whole life ahead of him. His family, and us as co-workers to his father, are devastated at the waste and tragedy this family is experiencing. One minute it's TGIF and life is good and the next morning it's experiencing the nightmare no parent wants to face.

So please be joyful like the baby and laugh at the small things in your life. Create the laughter and the memories you can cherish forever. Not getting that job, not buying that jewelry, not having the best cell phone, XBox, or TV, are not the end of the world. In the grand scheme of life they don't matter. What matters is who you love and how you love.

I have always loved this poem. Don't know who the author is but I would like to share it with you!

A Hundred Years From Now

A hundred years from now no one will remember
How much money I had in the bank
what kind of car I drove
or what kind of job I had.

But I will be remembered
as someone special
because I made a difference
in the life of a child.

UN-Stuck

2011-02-18T16:39:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling totally stuck lately. Trying to forge ahead with my hopes and dreams but sometimes I feel myself getting mired in old habits, old patterns. My diet seems to be stuck, my money seems to be stuck, my vision of the future feels like it's slipping away and I'm determined not to let it!

I've heard that when you feel stuck you should do something out of the norm to shake up your world. Something as simple as writing with the opposite hand than you normally do. Or doing something backwards to shake up the right brain/left brain thing. So this morning as I took my shower and I turned to let the water wash away the soap from my front I turned left instead of my normal right. I know that sounds stupid but it actually felt awkward! And when I got out of the tub I dried off my right leg first instead of my left. I had to really be careful to balance myself on the side of the tub and wobbled a little bit. My brain worked really hard to make sure I didn't fall and had to concentrate to make sure I did everything opposite from what I normally do. I'm trying to change my automatic habits and make my brain work differently.

I was watching the show The Middle on Wednesday night and the mom on the show, Patricia Heaton, began skipping to try and make her son have fun and act childlike. Her son, Brick, looked at her like she was crazy. But she said it made her think differently and brought up all sorts of wonderful memories from her childhood. She even said to her husband, "Remember when skipping used to be our only mode of transportation!" I think it's the same as doing things opposite from normal. It got me to thinking that I needed to act differently too. I haven't skipped in years! I would probably need a sports bra to do it! But it might be fun!! And it might shake things up for me!

I'm going to try and shake up my diet too. I've been on the HCG diet for 5 months and have lost almost 60 lbs and 3 dress sizes. But it's very expensive and I think my body is getting to used to the hormone. So I pulled out my old Dr. Phil diet and decided next week I'm going to try it again. I'm actually kind of excited because the last time I was his diet I lost 50 lbs and felt great.

This coming Monday I have two appointments. One is with mentor and author Paul McCormick, http://theauthenticmillionaire.com/, for a coaching session on creating a wealthy mindset. The second is with naturopath Beve Kindblade, http://www.seattlenutrition.com/, for some metablolic testing and nutrition guidance. I'm very excited about both sessions and hope they will also shake up things for me! Both coaches were provided by Dr. Pat Baccili, http://www.thedrpatshow.com/, as part of my Holistic Makeover.

Recently I found this quote from Dr. Susan Smith Jones, PhD that I am keep in front of me and read each day. It's helping me to keep motivated.

I keep my sights focused on my goals and refuse to get discouraged. I have the strength and determination to follow my heart and achieve my heart’s desires.

I hope you all get your heart's desires and shake things up once in a while!

Wisdom, Light & Love

2011-01-31T14:04:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! I'm back after a long illness and dealing with other issues in my world. So happy to be writing again! Working on several new projects so stay tuned!

In the meantime, I have been reading a wonderful new book called The Joy Factor by Susan Smith Jones, PhD. It's written so beautifully. Full of inspiring quotes and great advice. She says there are 10 sacred practices for radiant health. The first one is to live your best life. (Isn't that what Oprah says?)

Quoting from the book, "When you change your attitude about yourself from negative to positive, everything else in your life will change for the better." I've been pondering this a lot. I tend to denigrate myself often. I tend to use negative self talk and keep a constant conversation with myself that, I believe, is very destructive. I feel unworthy or unloveable and this bleeds out into my world in a negative way.

Louise Hay tells us to look at ourselves in the mirror each day and say, "I love you". And mean it! I find that difficult some days. She suggests starting with just your eyes if you can't say it to your whole being. Then each day expand your vision until you are looking at and loving yourself fully and wholly.

When you find yourself saying negative or self destructive things about yourself, try and turn it around and bless your body. Put a smile on your face. Laugh at yourself. Meditate. And definitely give up control of how you "think" you look or act and know that as long as you are in God's grace everything you do and are is OK. Commit yourself to be the best you can be and let the rest go. It doesn't do you or anyone else any good to hold on to this negativity.

In her book, Smith Jones suggests cleaning out closets and drawers. Planting beautiful flowers in your garden, eating healthy, exercising. Clearing any energy that is negative in your life and replacing it with positive, beautiful, light filled people and things. Honor your body and honor the space you live in. Treat yourself with respect and dignity. Find a good doctor who really listens to you. And doesn't just medicate you every time you have a complaint. Listen to your body when it is in pain. Find the real souce of that pain and treat it holistically if you can. Drink plenty of water. Get a good night's sleep. All these things will contribute to well being.

This will also give you new energy to face the world with a brighter light. And when you shine bright light and love on on yourself and others it will return to you 10-fold. Isn't that what we all want? Fabulously joylicious!

By the way, I highly highly recommend this joyful wonderful book.

Finding Balance for the Caregiver

2011-01-21T12:26:00.000-08:00

Finding Balance for the Caregiver:
16 Stress Reducing Strategies By Lisa Bailey

When my husband Phil’s colorectal cancer returned in October of 2006, this time in the liver and lungs, I found myself stressed to the max. With my full-time job as a kindergarten teacher, my commitment to my adult children and grandchildren, and keeping tabs on my teenage daughter, adding compassionate caregiving to my life’s work demands from me an incredibly difficult balancing act.

The following sixteen coping strategies have helped me in my attempts to live a balanced life. Because caregiving is such a universal task, faced by nearly all of us at one time or another, I hope you find these strategies helpful as well.

Make all choices from a solid base of integrity. I try to make medical and personal choices from the base of my Christian faith, which helps free me from second-guessing myself.
Be clear about today’s reality. Don’t imagine things are worse than they are. Enjoy the good parts of today and don’t let worries for tomorrow take over your emotions and thoughts.
Talk honestly to family and friends. Honest, frequent communication with close family and friends from the start of diagnosis is much easier than trying to play catch-up later. I discovered a wonderful, free Internet service at caringbridge.org which has allowed me to create a Web site to communicate regularly about Phil’s health.
Expect and prepare for tough talks. Family and friends process the news about a serious illness at their own pace. They will not accept the reality of the illness on a schedule that meshes with yours. This means that sometimes family and friends will not understand the tension of your caregiving lifestyle, especially at first. This requires a difficult conversation about what the illness is, how it will be treated, and what kinds of side effects will be expected from the treatment and the disease itself. It is helpful to have a family conversation with the doctor present.This provides an opportunity for questions to be answered accurately.
Learn the medical lingo. It will help you as a caregiver and a medical advocate to learn the lingo surrounding your loved one’s illness. The Internet is a helpful resource, but you need to learn what Web sites can be trusted and what Web sites have a hidden agenda. I have included a list of trusted Web sites I have used for medical information. However, even with a trusted Web site, don’t believe everything you read. Not all information will pertain to your loved one’s situation and you can worry yourself into a frenzy over some Internet information you have read. Ask questions of the doctors and nurses. Check the accuracy of your information if you are at all troubled or in doubt.
During treatment, pain or pain medication might do some talking. Be aware that pain, stress and pain medications will release the patient from their social “filter” and they can and probably will say some interesting and difficult things at times. Actually, caregivers do this, too, as stress lifts our social filters at unexpected times—forgive yourself as well when this happens. Listen and be compassionate as best you can. Children and teenagers will need help understanding the changes in their loved one’s personality, especially to know that the changes are not permanent.
Control what you can control. Lots of articles about stress-management advise letting go of control; however, I have found that being in control of some areas of my life has greatly reduced my stress.
1. Get help with housework—paid or unpaid. Help with household chores has helped to make our home a cleaner refuge for Phil as he recovers and a sanctuary for me.
2. Get help with yard work—paid or unpaid. Our backyard is our vacation destination this year; we eat most meals on the deck, enjoy the variety of birds that visit our birdfeeders, play cards, do art work and garden. Help with yard work makes this vacation destination possible.
3. Prepare meals in advance and freeze them. I do bulk cooking and freeze pre-prepared meals
4. Keep bills and insurance paperwork organized so there are fewer financial surprises. Make necessary phone calls to insurance companies, and pay bills, or call to arrange payments, on time.
5. Plan your work; then work your plan. Be efficient at your outside job and in taking care of home stuff. Don’t let things pile up.
6. Do three things every evening before you go to bed—laundry, dishes and take out the garbage. The morning will be much more of a gift.
Let go of what you cannot control. For me, this means “let go and let God.” I carry a scripture in my pocket from Jeremiah 29:11 which says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Cancer is what it is; I cannot change that, but I can and do trust God for our future.
Nest. Everyone, especially people who are recovering from illness or injury and their caregiver, needs a comfy chair—a place to relax and rejuvenate. Make a comfortable nest for your loved one and for yourself by adding afghans, pillows, fresh flowers, candles, books and great music to your comfy chair area. This is important to do both at your home and at the hospital should there be an extended stay there.
Make comfort food. Think about what your patient is hungry for, and then consider the details—digestibility, comfort, correct textures, temperature and presentation. A compassionate and informative book that I found helpful as I prepared food for Phil following chemotherapy and surgery is Laurel’s Kitchen Caring: Recipes for Everyday Home Caregiving, by Laurel Robertson, with Carol Lee Flinders and Brian Ruppenthal, R.D. Laurel speaks with such love for both the patient and the caregiver and her encouraging voice revives my spirit for caregiving, especially in providing good nutrition for healing.
Enjoy life today. During my husband’s chemotherapy treatments, our world becomes pretty small. We find that watching television is an important diversion, and we have become fans of shows we probably never would have discovered without some enforced downtime. We also play cards and Monopoly, put puzzles together and rent many movies. I found a new interest in sewing, knitting and watercolor painting. Phil, a drummer, has never stopped his daily drumming practice or working at his business from home. We try to enjoy simple pleasures everyday. We remember that Phil is a person with interests, not just a cancer patient. And I, too, am a person with interests; not just a cancer patient’s caregiver.
Journal for yourself. There are so many ways to re-center yourself, but none works as well as journaling, in my opinion. Even if you have never kept a journal, starting one now will help you clarify feelings, manage the stress and plan the work you need to do as caregiver.
Keep a vision for the future. None of us comes here to stay; we know that. But we also know that we can “grow until we go,” and we should. One scripture that came right to mind when Phil was first diagnosed with a recurrence of cancer was “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs. 29:18 KJV. We make plans for our future.
Give. While I have learned through Phil’s illness to receive the gifts of help, encouragement, prayer and love from other people, Phil and I continue to enjoy giving as part of our marriage. We enjoy praying for other people, talking to other patients in the waiting rooms, encouraging others as much as possible through conversations both in person, in email and through good, old-fashioned snail mail. Giving keeps us feeling emotionally and spiritually full and is always worth the effort.
Take good care of yourself. Eat good food, exercise a little, rest well and learn to say no to outside demands. See your doctor and dentist for checkups. Get away from the house now and then—even if it is just to the laundromat to do the bulky wash.
Release yourself from expectations for perfection. As humans, we all experience finitude, our “feet of clay” when we do not have infinite energy, wisdom or capabilities to manage our lives. This is normal. Get through each day as best you can, and don’t dwell on mistakes.

Today Phil is doing well, fighting the cancer with chemotherapy, prayer and a great sense of humor. I am blessed to be his partner in this fight. As long as I keep my balance, I feel I do a good job as a loving caregiver. I hope these strategies work to help you both in your caregiving work and in reducing the stress that comes from this part of life’s journey.

Lisa Bailey is the caregiver for her 55-year-old husband Phil, whose colorectal cancer has metastasized to his lungs. They have been married for 31 years, and are parents to four adult children ages 18 to 34, and have eight grandchildren. She is a kindergarten teacher who works full-time, as she provides the medical insurance for her family.

This Too Shall Pass

2011-01-19T10:54:00.000-08:00

This Too Shall Pass - by Mike Robbins

Do you ever find yourself stuck in a negative place, worrying that things won’t get any better (or even that they will get worse)? Or, have you ever had things going so well in your life that you just knew it wouldn’t last? If you’re anything like me and most of the people I know and work with, your answer to both of these questions is, of course, “yes.”

Many of us seem to forget that there is a natural ebb and flow to life, especially when things get challenging, stressful, or scary. Right now, there is a lot of agreement in our world about how “bad” things are – particularly in relation to the economy. And while I do believe it is essential for us to confront things in life directly and not put our heads in the sand, it seems that many of us (myself included at times) tend to forget an important truth about life…this too shall pass.

Ironically, this same phenomenon is also true when things are “good.” Life constantly evolves and changes…nothing stays constant. We waste so much of our precious time and energy worrying about things, instead of appreciating and embracing them in the moment. Worrying that bad times won’t pass (which they almost always do) or that good times won’t last (which they almost never do) takes us out of the present moment and causes us to suffer, miss out, or both.

You or some of the people around you may be experiencing significant pain or challenge right now – based on the economic situation or other factors. Or, you may currently be experiencing a great deal of success, opportunity, and joy in your life. At some level, most of us experience a certain amount of real joy and real pain all the time, simultaneously.

Whatever our current experience of life may be, it always serves us to remember that things are in a constant state of flux and that whatever is going on in our lives right now, will pass. As difficult as this is for each of us to remember, especially when we’re scared, it can be a powerful reminder and an important mantra that we hold onto and share with others as a way to keep things in perspective.

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your ability to stay present, grounded, and grateful – regardless of the external circumstances in your life.

1) Count Your Blessings - Whatever is going on in your life – no matter how “good” or “bad” things may seem; there are always many things for us to be grateful for. Take some time right now to think about or write down some of the many blessings in your life. And, as a bonus – share them with others today and this week.

2) Support Others - Reminding others that things can and will get better (if they’re tough) and that it’s important to appreciate and enjoy what is happening (if things are going well), is a great way to remind ourselves, get out of our own head, and be in service. When we support others, we also support ourselves in a healthy and generous way. And, our authentic support of other people helps make sure we don’t spend and waste time feeling sorry for ourselves or getting too caught up in our own narcissism.

3) Reflect on Your Past in a Positive Way - Think back to times in your own life when you’ve overcome challenges and/or created great success and fulfillment. Remembering that we’ve had tough times and risen above them and that we’ve been able to appreciate ourselves, our lives, and our success – can help us remember how strong and capable we are in the present moment. Allow your past to empower you!

About Mike Robbins
Mike Robbins empowers individuals, teams, and organizations to be more productive, appreciative, and successful through his keynotes, seminars, writing, and consulting. He is the author of the audio program, The Power of Appreciation, a contributing author of Chicken Soup for the Single Parent's Soul, the author of the best selling book, Focus on the Good Stuff (Hardcover, Jossey-Bass/Wiley) and the forthcoming book, Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Hardcover, Jossey-Bass/Wiley, April 2009). Mike has been featured in Forbes, on the Oprah and Friends radio network, and on ABC News. He is a member of the National Speakers Association (NSA) and is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), NSA's highest earned designation. Mike lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife Michelle and their daughter Samantha. Learn more about Mike and sign up for his free newsletter at www.Mike-Robbins.com. (Reprinted with Permission © Copyright 2008 Mike Robbins)

Who Loves You?

2011-01-13T09:40:00.000-08:00

Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.”

–Thaddeus Golas, 20^th century author and philosopher

Are you a loving person? Are you kind, friendly, and encouraging? For most of us, the answer to these questions is yes—at least to some degree.

But here’s the true litmus test of unconditional love: Are you a loving person to yourself? Are you kind, friendly, and encouraging to yourself? Chances are it’s harder to answer yes to these questions.

Yet loving yourself is absolutely vital. Studies show it’s the basis for success, happiness, and healthy relationships. So how do you do it?

It’s easy to love yourself for your “good” qualities: your talents and successes. The trick is in learning to love your less-than-perfect qualities. The most direct way you can love the unlovable in yourself is to bring the feeling of love to whatever it is you’re feeling or experiencing – even it’s challenging or unpleasant. If you’re having a hard time loving yourself, begin by simply loving the fact that you are unable to love yourself in this moment.

Try this little experiment: Think of something that you really don’t like about yourself – you’re too fat or too thin, you can’t balance your checkbook, for example. Now close your eyes, and remember a time when you felt love in your heart for someone or something. Notice if you feel a warmth or expansion in the area of your heart. Now direct that same feeling of love toward yourself—just as you are, flaws and all.

Let’s be clear here, I’m not asking you to love your excess flab or your boniness or your lameness in the bean-counting department. What I’m suggesting is that you beam love, compassion, and understanding to that person who’s experiencing the challenge: you! When you do this, you’ll probably feel a physical shift in your body – you’ll be more relaxed and you may even find yourself smiling.

When you can love yourself in every situation—whether you’ve succeeded or failed, whether you feel good or bad, whether you’re enjoying life or hating it – you’ve taken self-love to the unconditional level.
This one small act can have big and measurable effects. A team of British researchers led by Dr. Paul Gilbert showed that training people to be loving and compassionate toward every aspect of themselves – even toward their tendency to be self-critical – significantly reduced mental suffering, depression, anxiety, self-criticism, shame, inferiority, and submissive behavior, while upping their ability to soothe and reassure themselves.

Hale Dwoskin, the bestselling author of The Sedona Method, and one of the 150 Love Luminaries I interviewed for my latest book, Love for No Reason, told me, “What most people call self-love – positive affirmations and putting smiley-face Post-its on the mirror – is just a manipulation. It’s like pasting a thin layer of positive emotion on top of problems. If you try to change them from a place of simply manipulating them, they only grow. But, if you love all your qualities as they are, good and so-called bad ones, you actually have the power to change them.”

When you connect to the unconditional love at your core—what I call Love for No Reason—real self-love starts to flow.

Every day, I do a very simple self-love practice that brings me into my heart and reminds me to treat myself with care. It comes in especially handy whenever I’m having a rough time or being critical toward myself or others. You can do this, too.

Throughout the day, ask yourself, What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? or What’s the most loving way I can be with myself right now? And then pay very close attention to the answer.

Sometimes the answer is that you need to have more compassion for the part of you that is hurting; other times it’s forgiving yourself for your mistakes or lightening up on yourself. There are also times when the most loving thing you can do for yourself is taking a walk or a hot bath or calling a good friend for a chat. The important thing is to make the questions a part of your daily practice. Don’t think you’re being selfish—far from it! When you love and take care of yourself, you’ll find it inevitably serves everyone. And isn’t a world filled with love the kind we all want to live in?

(C) 2010. Marci Shimoff. Adapted from Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love (Free Press, December 2010). Love for No Reason offers a breakthrough approach to experiencing a lasting state of unconditional love—the kind of love that doesn’t depend on another person, situation, or romantic partner, and that you can access at any time and in any circumstance. This is the key to lasting joy and fulfillment in life. To order Love for No Reason, go to www.TheLoveBook.com and follow Marci on Twitter @Marci_Shimoff.

Cheryl Richardson's New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-12T12:37:00.000-08:00

Good Stuff

Be picky. Have high standards. Don't settle for less. These are all messages that, when used appropriately, help people to live better lives. As you start your New Year, I want to invite you to be picky about something in particular - your mind. If you really want to make this year a year filled with self-love, self-acceptance, forward movement, and success, then decide right now that you'll do everything in your power to fill that beautiful mind of yours with good stuff - really good stuff.

No more reading boring emails that might have something in it you need to see, or watching violent news that leaves you feeling helpless or afraid. Forget about the celebrity sightings that make you feel like everyone else is living a great life but you. Nope. No good. Not enough for you anymore.

Stop listening to the latest drama story at work or to the friend who's been complaining about the same damn thing for years. Ugh. It's exhausting and it's creating a neural pathway that leads to nowheresville.

It's time to be picky - really picky.

This year, resolve to do things that fill your mind with exciting new ideas, inspirational messages that motivate you to act, or wisdom that touches your soul in the best of all ways.

Cheryl Richardson

Start Small ~ Dream Big

2011-01-12T10:35:00.001-08:00

For 2011 I want to reiterate what my pay it forward project is all about by revisiting my mission and vision statements. Have a joylicious day!

Vision Statement: I envision women reaching their full potential by learning to embrace loss and grief as opening a path to a new hopeful, peaceful and joylicious life.

Mission Statement: Using my writings, blog, and speaking engagements I will inspire, coach, and enable women to see that they are special and that their stories matter. That all women can experience a joylicious life after suffering adversity.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T09:45:00.001-08:00

I hope that 2011 is a wonderful New Year full of joy, prosperity, laughter, love, health, and well being for all of my friends, family, and followers. I love you all! Happy New Year!

Passion and Purpose

2010-12-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

I've been pondering on what my passion and purpose were for most of my life. I have never figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I am passionate about clothes, decorating, beautiful things. But I have never been in a position to use that passion to make a living and I have never had enough money to own many of them.

For many years I thought that my sole (soul) purpose for existing was to give birth to my daughter and that she would grow up to be great and famous. That I was just the instrument for her to come into being almost like the mother Mary and her son Jesus. Sometimes I still feel that way.

Lately I have been thinking and focusing more on how I can find my purpose and meaning through my writing. I want to touch many lives in ways that can change them. There have been so many books and articles that have changed my life and I hope that just one blog or eventually a book of mine can do the same for someone else.

I have found that I enjoy writing. And I think I'm pretty good at it. I always thought that my daughter was the writer. She is the one with the journalism degree. She is the one who is published. She is the one who wrote articles for the newspaper and started a book. She has written in journals since her early teens. She has taken classes and been certified. I haven't done any of that and at age 56 didn't even know I could. I didn't know where to start even.

Thanks to Dr Pat for having us makeover winners start blogs as it made me a lot more self-confident and also made me realize I do have a voice and something to say. My throat chakra is singing! And as I write more and more I find myself more passionate about my voice. That's joylicious!

Christmas Memories~

2010-12-21T12:49:00.000-08:00

During this holiday season it's hard not to get mired down in the festivities of parties, gift giving, and dinners and remember the real reason for the holiday. The birth of the baby Jesus. A rebirth of the new year to come. Hope and excitement for new experiences.

I have many memories associated with different Christmases that conjure up pictures in my mind of seasons past. One of the hardest for me this year was wrapping presents without the "help" of my kitty Charlie. Even though I have two other cats they could have cared less what I was doing in the spare bedroom! The present wrapping and decorating of the tree always held such fascination for Charlie. He would chase after the ribbon and chew it to pieces. He would play hide and seek in the tissue paper ripping it to shreds as he would wiggle his rear end and jump into a pile of it as it slid across the floor. I would find bows under the couch six months after the holiday.

One year I found a cashmere sweater completely unwrapped. Twice. I finally had to hide it because, for some reason, the attraction to the smell and feel of that sweater was just too much for him to resist. And don't get me started on the ornaments and tree climbing. I have almost all hand blown glass ornaments and he would decide to play what I would call his "kitty in the jungle" game where he would hide in the bushes, or in this case the Christmas tree, and jump out at whoever walked by. Not good when everything around him was so breakable!

I also have wonderful memories of my stepmother and how she worked so hard each year for every one of her children and grandchildren to have a wonderful holiday experience. She set the dinner table with her best china and silverware. When we were younger, and there were less of us, she and my father would buy each one of us a special Christmas ornament and set it on our dinner plates waiting for us to arrive. There was always a beautiful center piece, pretty napkins, and candles lit. We would come into the dining room and look at her gorgeous handiwork and everyone would be filled with admiration and glee. And the delicious dinner that was always the same no matter how much her and dad might want something different. Ham, Shirley Shaw potatoes, green bean casserole and pistachio salad. Yum...can't wait! We still have almost the identical meal because no one ever gets tired of it.

I have memories of laughter at work. One year all of us in the office had a decorating contest with the press operators. We covered every window with lights. Decorated a Christmas tree. Hung ornaments and decorations throughout the pressroom office. I remember one of my co-workers and I turning off the overhead lights and sitting by the glow of all the multi-colored lights working and laughing. This year there are no presents, no laughter, no sharing. Almost no lights other than on my desk and the tree looks bedraggled and sad. It's hard when time and circumstances change!

And most of all, I have memories of my daughter on Christmas morning. Waiting anxiously for her to get up. No early riser my sleepy headed little girl! I would finally have to go into the bedroom and wake her up so that we would have time to open presents and eat breakfast before we had to leave for family functions. I always thought it was so funny that when I was small my sisters, brother and I would be up at the crack of dawn wanting to run into the living room and see what Santa brought us and open presents. My mom..er I mean Santa..would put our stockings on the end of our beds so that we would have something to open and look at and candy to eat and, hopefully, allow her (and dad when he lived with us) to sleep in to a somewhat reasonable hour.

I'm sure everyone has their holiday traditions and memories. Good and bad. Happy and sad. I'm trying to focus on the good ones this year. I keep feeling myself trying to slip back into old ways and sadness for what has gone by. But I know the future is so bright and shiny that it can only be a joylicious holiday!

Affirmation

2010-12-09T11:35:00.000-08:00

This is from my fabulous friend Kathy, aka KD, one of the Dr. Pat Holistic Makeover winners. I wanted to share it with you! ~Kat

"Thought I'd share an affirmation from my mom's Swami. A friend of mine recently died and it was read at a Big Chill type of gathering that we had. He used to meditate upon it every day. He had severe rheumatoid arthritis and it helped him survive many years after he had contemplated checking out due to the pain. Even though I like it, it talks about negative stuff which in a way I think contributes to it sticking around in consciousness...but nevertheless much of it is powerful and uplifing. - KD"

Daily Affirmation

From now on I shall consciously control the emotional force which lies hidden deep within me.

I shall not allow the thought of sickness, failure or any other negative mental state to rule.

I shall reject all hampering and harmful suggestions of other people.

I am strong, courageous, and competent.

My memory and will power are increasing day by day.

I face this day with faith in the Infinite Mind in me, faith in Myself, faith in the Law of the Mind.

This period of silent meditation, about the truth of my real self, will keep me poised and serene during this day no matter what happens in my outer world.

I am greater than any outside event, stronger than any situation, master of any circumstance.

I will not be dejected; I have immeasurable strength and power within.

There is a glorious future awaiting me.

I shall face all difficulty with a smile.

Pain is the real eye opener and guide.

I shall never be despondent; ever I will laugh, jump, or smile.

Forgiveness

2010-12-07T13:25:00.000-08:00

How do you forgive someone who has "done you wrong"? I've been thinking about that lately. From what you thought was a slight of someone you thought was a friend to a virus unleashed on your computer that cost money, time, and is an inconvenience to fix. From the theft of a Christmas present from your front doorstep by a stranger to the more serious offense I heard about in Bremerton yesterday where someone caused problems in an entire neighborhood by slashing over 100 car tires.

All of these are fixable problems. But they cause pain, upset and often money that people these days don't have. They aren't as bad as say, a drunk driving death or murder. But still, they hurt and cause not only physical damage but harm to that thing we call ego.

How do we forgive that random act of unkindness? That faceless person who has hurt us? I have been trying to bless the person who hurt me recently. I'm sending them forgiving thoughts and prayers. I'm hoping they needed and/or are enjoying my daughter's Christmas present. It all turned out ok for me. But what about people who are really hurt? The people in Bremerton who can't afford new tires right now or couldn't go to work today because they had no transportation? Or the person who gets a virus on their computer while they are looking for work and have to scramble to find a computer to file their unemployment claims?

This email came from Abraham this morning, "It is your rules that make unlawful beings. You would get along better if you would just trust each other to treat each other appropriately, but you don't. So you keep making laws -- until you make criminals of everyone."

So do we have to be wary of everyone and everything? Do we truly make criminals of each other even when we are just living our life and minding our own business? I love Abraham but I'm having a hard time with this one. I want to trust others and treat them appropriately but when we are hurt we tend to want to lash out. I was angry and upset yesterday but I just kept repeating over and over, "I forgive you. I forgive you." and I started to feel better. I have no idea who I was forgiving but I had to release my hurt and it was the only thing I could think of to do. That and put it into God's hands.

I feel like I'm rambling today. Not sure what direction I wanted this to take but wanted to share some of my thoughts. Please chime in if you have any insight or suggestions. Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out the joylicious stuff!

Oh, and it all turned out OK for me. I called the company where I purchased the gift and they are resending the entire order at no charge. How fantastic is that? I praise their customer service immensely and if you want to know who they are ask. I can't write it on here because my daughter reads my blogs!! Maybe that's where my joylicious life comes in. I know I will have a wonderful Christmas no matter what and I'm thinking that there are some people out there who will have troubled minds that day. God bless them.~

Comfort and Joy

2010-12-04T10:42:00.000-08:00

This morning I drove to Snohomish to get my hair done. It was early and the sun was just starting to peak out from behind the Cascade mountains. As I drove down Highway 9 through the quiet icy morning I marveled at the beautiful white fields and trees covered with frost. It was so glistening and perfect! Untouched by humans this early in the day. The mountains sparkled with their snow caps reflecting the sun. Mount Baker completely white with the blue backdrop of the sky looked amazing. Even the airplanes on Harvey Field looked pretty with their different colors against the white of the frost.

There were very few cars on the road and as I drove I kept thinking how good life currently has been. I passed a strip mall and there was a sign above it that said, "Comfort and Joy". I think it was supposed to be for a hotel but I loved the simple message that was sent to me this day. I have comfort and joy in my life and it's good. Simple but good. Joylicious~

Footnote (evening) - I was perusing some ads tonight on craigslist and one jumped out at me! The title of it was "comfort and joy"! My angels are working overtime. It's a little freaky but soooo cool!~

Lightness of Being

2010-12-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

Every day I feel lighter and lighter. As I go through the process of shedding pounds on my body I feel like I'm shedding my skin and my old life too. I'm becoming lighter and lighter in my heart. The fat is melting away and the anger, sadness and unease are melting with it. Instead of looking at life negatively and always on the down side I'm look at it more clearly. Colors are more vibrant. Laughter is more precious. Life is becoming a joy again. My step is easier and my eyes sparkle with health and enthusiasm at what happens next.

I'm feeling excited about the new direction my life has been taking. Yesterday morning I called the Dr. Pat Show, www.thedrpatshow.com, to speak with her guest Sue Storm, The Angel Lady. I asked her who my angels are around me. She told me that my angels are excited for me right now. She said they told her I have a lot going on right now and new opportunities are coming. I completely agree! She said I have the angels Lorena, who represents divine grace, and Jacob, who represents education. She told me I still have more to learn but in easy fun ways not as lessons. She also told me my archangel is Gabriel who is the angel of messages and communication. So funny since I write a blog and am starting a website!

She asked if I had a question for my angels. Of course, I had to ask, "Why was I told to purchase a website domain name?" She said three words, "Expand, expand, expand." She also said, "Put your heart into it as your soul is already there and you will be a success! All I could think was, YES! Expand my life, expand my blog, expand my joyliciousness.

But what a dichotomy this is for me! As I shed the weight and as I shed the old life, I expand and expand and expand in the new one! I have no idea what direction I'm going but I'm trusting the angels will take me there happily and safely. So so joylicious!

You Are Amazing

2010-12-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

My new favorite song. Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars.

I Am Joy~

2010-11-30T12:42:00.000-08:00

I found this daily affirmation in the Journey With Spirit newspaper I picked up over the weekend and just love it. I wanted to share it with all of you!! Have a joylicious day!!

I Am Joy Affirmation - Vicky Thompson

My heart is bursting with joy in this moment.
When I feel the glory of spirit beside me, I feel blessed.
When I see the wonder of God's creations, I feel loved.
When I hear the sound of God's whisper in my ear, I slow down.
When I know how close I am to God, I stop the world.
In this place of silence, I listen and hear my heart beat.
In each beat, I sense the tenderness that went into creating me.
In that delicate fabric of life, I feel honored to live upon the Earth.

Meditation Prayer -

Breathe deeply, inhaling the joy of spirit. As you exhale, see golden sparkles of joy surrounding you. As these sparkles of heavenly delight dance around you, feel your heart swelling with uncontainable joy as you say the following prayer: Dear God, I see your same cloth of creation in my brothers and sisters. I see the same love, patience and kindness dwelling within all humanity. I now know that we are one and the same creation of God. I lay down my judgements and embrace my brothers and sisters in love. I let the same love you created in me touch the same love in all others. In love, in peace, we embrace as one. Joy eternal, joy present becomes me.

Vicky Thompson is the author of Life-Changing Affirmations: A 30-Day Plan for Spiritual Transformation. You can find her at www.journeywithspirit.com.

A Leap of Faith

2010-11-27T10:21:00.000-08:00

I did it! I got this wild idea last night to start a website so this morning I purchased a domain name! I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I don't want to share it with all of you yet as I'm still unsure of 1) why I wanted it to begin with, and 2) what focus I want it to take. It's all swirling around in my mind with tons of ideas and directions I could go. Something just told me, or a higher power did, to take that leap of faith and just start.

I have also decided to take this blog in a little bit different direction. I want to start focusing on the "joy" in joylicious instead of the loss and grief. I went through 2 very bad and sad years and now I feel like I'm on the path to a new identity and new found hope in the future. I want to focus on that. Remind myself over and over why I'm here and what my direction is going to be. I want to help all of my lovely followers, loved ones, and friends find that joy in life too.

I'm not naive enough to know I will still have high and low, good and bad days. But the good days seem to be outnumbering the bad days more and more lately. And the highs seem to be more frequent. I'm not sure if it is the weight loss or feeling better or my life getting easier as I distance myself from the bad years. I just know that life is truly getting better.

So stay tuned for my new and exciting project as I figure out my path to happiness and a joylicious life. I will share the website with all of you soon.

By the way, dropped the two pounds from yesterday and another pound on top of that!!! Joylicious!!!

love, kisses, and blessings ~ Kat

Don't Look Back...

2010-11-26T11:11:00.000-08:00

This morning I got on the scale and had gained two pounds. Lord knows I tried yesterday. I gave thanks for family and friends. I gave thanks for good food and good health. I was happy I have a job and a roof over my head. But...the anticipation of my daughter's french apple pie was just too much to resist!

I had every intention of being good on Thanksgiving. Of following my diet and trying to eat as healthy as possible without being stressed or as my dad said, "putting a damper on the day". I set aside some celery. I made my mashed potatoes without focusing on how good they would taste with the yummy gravy I could see cooking right next to me. I smelled the stuffing, which is always my favorite, and looked the other way. I passed up the cheese and crackers and the cranberry sauce.

I wanted to make healthy choices. I chose to eat the turkey even though it's not allowed on my diet. I had my one roll without butter. I ate my celery and a little broccolli too. But didn't eat anything else until...

Dessert time!! My big downfall. My daughter makes the best apple pie. So I chose that too. And it was great. So I'm making the decision that the pie was my choice for yesterday and today I choose to go back on the diet. I'm not going to be concerned about the two pounds. I'm not going to beat myself up over my decisions. I'm going to focus on my continuing to eat healthy and follow the diet as I should.

I want to look forward to the future in all my decisions. I can't always look back at my past mistakes. Many of those mistakes or choices are the reason I'm who I am today. I'm currently reading a book about why bad things happen and it's made me realize that each time something bad happened to me I learned a lesson and was able to move forward into my future with better decision making skills. I learned how to heal the past and be a better, more thoughtful, and caring person in the future.

So I made the choice to eat apple pie yesterday and today I choose to eat apples. The two pounds will go and I will continue on my healthy path to the future. Both emotionally and physically and I love that! No looking back at the bad stuff anymore. And how bad can a little apple pie be?? Joyliciously good!!!

~40~

2010-11-18T14:03:00.000-08:00

'Nuff said! Finally finally finally I triumphed over my plateau of weight loss!! I know I'm losing inches and my body is changing dramatically but the scale wasn't budging. I shook my scale. I jumped on and off and on it again. I took the battery out and put it back. I even moved it to the opposite end of the bathroom. For 7 days it stayed on 39 pounds of weight lost. I was dejected, depressed, frustrated, angry, and finally I just resigned. I figured if I just stayed on the good path that it would eventually come off. And this morning…hooray!!!

I received this message in my email today from Abraham:
From your human perspective, you often believe that you must work hard to overcome obstacles and satisfy shortages and solve the problems that are before you; but often, in that attitude or approach, you work against yourself without realizing it. Attention to obstacles makes them bigger and more stubborn; attention to shortages makes them bigger and prolongs them—and attention to a problem prevents any immediate resolution or solution.

I needed to release fear, thoughts of lack, and obsessing over that darn scale before it would move. And it did. Now to continue my journey! I begin my second three-week session of shots today so it's on to the next goal! Feeling better and better each day. By the way, the woman at my doctor's office who has paid for my last two sessions offered to do so again. She's so sweet and it is such a generous offer but I declined. I hope she pays it forward to someone else. And I plan on doing the same thing next year!

So just call me the Incredible Shrinking Woman. That's what my co-workers have renamed me! Joylicious!~

O' Those Favorite Things!

2010-11-17T11:03:00.000-08:00

I was watching television last night and they had a commercial on for Oprah's Friday show. It's her annual Favorite Things show. I was excited to see what this year would bring to the lucky audience participants but I was sad to realize that, once again, I wasn't going to be part of the audience!

It has always been my dream to attend a taping of Oprah's show. I have recorded her show since the very beginning. I remember getting my first VCR and figuring out how to set up timed recordings so that I could watch her show every day. How far we have come in technology over the years! I have spent 25 years of writing to her with show ideas, comments, entering contests and hoping hoping hoping that by some miracle I would get to go to Chicago and meet her. I've met people over the years who were on the show. John Gray for instance who has also been a huge influence in my life. But I have never been lucky enough to meet her.

As I contemplated the show and Oprah and what I was feeling at the moment was a huge loss in my life I realized something...I'm a winner! And I don't need meeting the Divine Ms. O. to validate that! 2010 has been a very lucky year for me. I have won the Dr. Pat Holistic Makeover. I have been the recipient of gifts from her sponsors which included Vapour Cosmetics, Resveritrol from Reserveage, and chocolate from Life with Chocolate and Temple Swift. Yesterday I received a huge box of books that I am excited to start reading. I'm also receiving coaches to help me with life's ups and downs. I have received two sessions of my diet plan with my doctor's office paid for by a woman who wanted to pay forward her abundance to someone else and she chose me. I have wonderful friends and a loving family. I have an apartment that I am very happy living in. I have my health and I have a job. Life is good.

So, if life is so good why have I felt somewhat stuck lately with my diet, with my blog and pay it forward project, with life in general? This is what I struggle with. I feel that I am on the cusp of something big. I just don't know what that is yet. Watching that commercial at first made me feel sad and then reminded me that life is more than worrying about whether or not I'll ever get to meet Oprah. Life is living in the present and thanking my higher powers that I'm here to enjoy it. I need to relax, set my intentions, and allow the universe to make it's magic. When I stop struggling, stop worrying, and start allowing, life changes. And that's joylicious!

A Joyful Noise

2010-11-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

When you are in the middle of caregiving, or the middle of stress and drama, or the middle of life's ups and downs, how do you find your joyful self? How do you find your bliss or joyliciousness? Or at least a quiet place where you can feel OK? I struggle with this all the time.

Is it putting a smile on your face regardless of how you really feel? I'm sure you've heard the expression "fake it until you make it". Is it curling up inside yourself and going off into a corner so you don't inflict your negativity or depression on others? Is it hibernating in your room or going for solitary walks? Meditation? Friends?

A common answer is that you focus on others or reach out to others instead of dwelling on your own problems. But if you are already stretched to the limits with helping others or unable to set boundaries doesn't that sometimes compound the problem?

It amazes me how many times each day we ask others, "how are you?" and we get a pat response of "great!" even if the person doesn't really feel that way. Or if you were to actually tell the other person how you truly felt when they asked do they REALLY want to know? Or is it just as automatic to ask "how" someone is as it is to say "great"? I remember testing that theory out a few times and the person's eyes glazed over or looked like they wished they hadn't asked. So I just respond "fabulous!" regardless of how I really feel.

Another question I ask myself is what would bring me joy or what do I think would bring me joy? Is it a mate? A different job? Owning my own home? Enough money? Or is it just peace of mind. Contentment. Loving others with my whole heart and being loved in return. And I realize it's not things that bring me joy it's feelings. It's taking care of myself as no one else can because I know myself best. Listening to my heart's needs and wants and fulfilling them for myself. In that way I can then pass that joy on and that would in turn make me happier. It's a lovely circle of life. Joylicious~

The Dr. Pat Holistic Makeover - Update

2010-11-10T15:15:00.000-08:00

Every Tuesday afternoon since mid-July, the six amazing winners of the Dr. Pat Holistic Makeover and myself have a conference call. Yesterday we all called in at our normal time and went around the group as we do each week giving our progress on our pay-it-forward projects. We also talked about personal goals and issues that we are having. We are an incredible mindset of powerful women who help each other track our progress, give positive feedback, applause, joy, and helpful suggestions on how to be better and more amazing than we already are.

After each one of us took our turns, Dr. Pat went through the group again and spoke to each of us personally about how wonderful she thinks we are. She told each person individually how we are changing the world and the people around us. And how she honors us on our journeys of change and transformation. It was truly intense and emotional for me to hear the kind and powerful words she spoke about each one of us.

I have been struggling lately with personal self-doubt and a little frustration on how to get my message out. I have been battling the "change of season/clock" blues and other personal issues that I have been dealing with in my life. It's hard to write about working through grief and loss to achieve joyliciousness when you are stressed and fighting sadness. I've also been frustrated with the feelings of baring my soul on the internet and feeling like, other than the wonderful women I email to each day, my blog message is going out into the big void of cyber-space.

But after hearing Dr. Pat's message to each of us yesterday and re-reading my mission and vision statements I do feel somewhat better. I'm so thankful for each and every one of the other Holistic Makeover winners and their wisdom, joy, and good old advice. I'm inspired by their messages and friendships. And I'm so so grateful to Dr. Pat for giving me this opportunity to get to know each and every one of these fabulous women. And so I blog on through my journey of achieving joyliciousness and inspiring and passing that message on to everyone through my mission. I'll get there!!

You can hear Dr. Pat each day on Transformational Talk Radio, 1150 am. Or check out her website at www.thedrpatshow.com.

Caregiving for Aging Parents

2010-11-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

Last week Cheryl Richardson posted this newsletter on taking care of yourself when taking care of aging parents. As more and more of us baby boomers have to step into that roll this is good advise. I felt it was worthwhile passing on! I know I went through many of these emotions and challenges when going through my stepmother's illness two years ago.

Aging Parents - Keeping the Love Alive by Cheryl Richardson

In the past three weeks I've had numerous conversations with people who are taking care of aging parents. Just this morning I spoke with a friend who's been in and out of assisted living facilities, doctor's offices, and hospitals more times than he can count. Having been a fulltime caregiver for more than three years when my husband Michael was sick, I know how complicated and overwhelming it can be. And my heart goes out to you if you're dealing with this situation now.

Becoming a caregiver to a parent is something most of us will experience at some point, and learning how to do it with good self-care in place, can help keep the love alive. While I know each situation is unique, here are a few suggestions that might help:

1) Get ongoing emotional support. As you go through the process of providing care to a parent, you will need a safe place to talk about how you feel. You will need to vent. You will need to grieve. You will need to know that someone out there cares about you and wants to know what's going on. This person should know how to listen well, how to hold back advice when it's not appropriate to give it, and how to be present with uncomfortable feelings so you're free to be real and honest.

2) Find a "resource advocate." It can be incredibly helpful to have someone in your life who's able to conduct research. You may have to locate specialized medical care, get help with insurance forms, check into living facilities, or find a good doctor. Delegating these activities can help ease your burden and it can be a wonderful way to allow someone who cares about you to help when he or she feels helpless. While taking care of Michael and managing our lives, I swear I lost brain cells, my memory, and a whole lot of patience. Sharing the burden of information gathering made life so much easier.

3) Don't take bad behavior personally. If your parent is difficult, negative, or irritable, it's probably because they're afraid. After all, they're going through their own challenging life changes. Keep in mind that we all tend to regress into protective behaviors when under stress. Some people go into denial and lose themselves in mindless activities. Others get irritable and end up being impatient or brusque in their communication. Some complain nonstop about every little thing. Try to remember that it's not about you. It's about the tough situation.

3) Allow yourself to experience all of your feelings - even the "inappropriate" ones. There will be times when you experience thoughts and feelings that make you feel guilty. You might be so emotionally overwhelmed by the roller coaster ride that comes with the end of life process, for example, that you find yourself wishing your loved one would pass so the craziness will stop. Please remember that your feelings are just feelings - normal responses to dealing with new and complicated circumstances.. If you respect and honor these thoughts and feelings (and share them with someone safe), you'll move through them with greater ease and clarity. And you'll be a better caregiver for your parent.

4) Be willing to have "courageous conversations." Most of us don't talk about death or end of life issues; let alone say what we need to say to feel at peace with one another. It's too scary, painful, or uncomfortable to step near those lines. And it's not always well received. The funny thing is that bringing consciousness - intentional, open conversation - to the topic can reduce fear and open our hearts. When we shine a light into the darkness, things get a little brighter. Be brave enough to initiate a conversation about end of life issues and see what happens. Tread gently and respectfully. You might be surprised to learn that your parent has been thinking about things like estate planning or what will happen to special items once they're gone, and your courage has now opened the door for further conversation.

5) Finally, be gentle with yourself. Caring for an aging parent is such a complex, multi-faceted issue for both the caregiver and receiver. We learn as we go. If you're currently caring for an aging parent, I hope some of these suggestions help you this week. If you're not, please print this newsletter and keep it handy for future use. You or someone you love just may need it...

Life Makeover For The Year 2010 (sm) is written and produced by Cheryl Richardson. If you have any questions or comments, or for reprint permission of this newsletter, please email: cheryl@cherylrichardson.com. © Copyright 1999-2010. Cheryl Richardson, P.O. Box 13, Newburyport, MA 01950. All rights reserved.

Let Us Give Thanks

2010-11-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

November is the month for giving thanks for all the good things that we have in our lives. Everywhere I look lately I see the word gratitude popping out at me. It's easy to get mired down in everything that is wrong with our lives and forget all the good things that come our way.

Recently I have had several blessings come my way. I received another free session of my diet from a woman at my doctors office and have now lost a total of 35 pounds! That was totally unexpected and wonderful! I had dinner with a friend and another one with my father at nice restaurants and had a great time both nights. I received a gift card to a restaurant as a thank you from my boss for all my hard work. That was a shock! But a very nice one. I have had unexpected blessings from my sister and daughter at a time when I felt really low and unsure of life. I've started receiving boxes of gifts from Dr Pat Bacilli as part of the Holistic Makeover contest and that has been very fun and exciting. And each time one of these blessings happens I marvel at the goodness and love in others and how grateful it makes me feel.

I have been listening to my tapes on the Law of Attraction by Abraham-Hicks. Abraham talks about how lack creates lack and abundance creates abundance. When you focus on lack then that is what you are going to attract. If you focus on ill health then that is what you will attract. The best thing to do is focus on good things in your life and you will attract more of the same. Focus on good health, joy, prosperity, happiness. It multiplies when that is where your mind is set and that is what you are grateful for.

A few tips I have learned recently from articles I have read on gratitude and giving thanks:

1) Enlist a friend. If you start to get down or focus on lack, reach out to a friend and share good times with them. Email them with things you are thankful for. Putting your thoughts into words makes them more real. Ask them to email you with their thoughts and what they are also thankful for. Sharing these gifts is a joy in itself.

2) Make a list of your bad times. Realize that you have come through all of them. Probably with flying colors and are better off for them having happened. Even the worst of times can have positive outcomes in the most unexpected ways. You never know what is around the next corner to bring you more joy than you have ever expected or could believe would happen.

3) Imagine your life without blessings. What would your life be without the love of your family and friends. Imagine not living the life we have in the United States that we all take for granted. Be thankful for things could be so much worse if you didn't have that support system. Small things like a warm bed at night, food to eat, pets to care for with their unconditional love for you. If those things disappeared tomorrow how would you feel?

4) When you find yourself focusing on the negative reach out to someone. Helping others is one of the best ways to help yourself. It takes the focus off of you and everything you perceive is wrong with your life and puts your energy into something positive. Positive attracts positive. Abundance attracts abundance.

I'm thankful that October is done. I'm thankful for a loving family and blessed to have the friends I do. I'm thankful for a good job. I'm thankful that I can pay my bills. I'm thankful I'm on the road to a healthy, thin body. I'm thankful to have won the Holistic Makeover contest. I'm thankful for my cats. I'm thankful for my joylicious life. Blessings to all of you too~

One Hour Miracle

2010-10-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

I received a note today from Bonnie McFarland who writes a website called Savouring Your Sixties, www.savoringyoursixties.com. She writes about women who are approaching or are in their sixties and beyond and she shares her insight on how to light up your life. The article today was how to take a brief moment or hour to yourself in a time of sorrow and grief and re-energize and recharge your soul. I thought it was worth sharing. Joylicious!

The One-Hour Miracle

Hours after my brother called to say Mom had died, I was on a red-eye flight traveling across the country. The days that followed were filled with grief, seemingly endless tasks to prepare for mom's funeral, family dynamics, stress, and many nights of too little sleep.

Of course, it wasn't all bad. There was love and laughter and reminiscing and being with people I love. And still as the week went on, I was beyond exhausted.

Somewhere in the midst of this my dear sister and I decided to get pedicures. We would both be wearing sandals for the funeral and, frivolous as it might sound, we thought we needed freshly painted toes.

Of course, there wasn't really time to do this. We had so many other things to get done. (It's amazing how much there is to do when someone dies!)

But we decided to do it anyway. So my sister, Vicki, my sister-in-law, Diane, and I went in search of a pedicure. Someone was watching out for us because we found a place where we could all get pedicures at the same time without having appointments.

Plus this little day spa also happened to have those fancy massage chairs that can work you from head to toe -- while you're getting your pedicure!

For one delicious and delightful hour, it was as though life was normal again. For that hour, we were no longer bereaved mourners; we were just three women relaxing, chatting, and allowing ourselves to be pampered. Afterwards, we each had lovely, bright, shiny polish on our toes.

But what mattered more was how much restoration we got from that one hour. That was the miracle!

Weeks later, I'm still astonished when I recall how much difference that hour made for me. I reconnected with the place of calm, quiet, and peace in me. I became refreshed and restored. I regained enough strength and energy to allow me to do what needed to be done the rest of the week. All that from one hour. Amazing!

I know a little bit of time -- spent in an energizing, enlivening, lights-on way -- can make a huge difference in our lives. And this experience was a powerful reminder of that.

Copyright Bonnie McFarland 2010 All Rights Reserved" www.SavoringYourSixties.com.

It's About Gratitude

2010-10-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

I'm back! Just wanted to thank everyone for the well wishes I received during my recent bout with the flu. It's so nice to have people worry about you!

During my down time I reflected quite a bit on my life and current situations. It's so easy when I'm not feeling well for me to fall into a depression. I start to stress over the smallest things and dwell on misfortunes and "lack of" instead of counting my blessings. I worry about bills, work, relationships, my car, my cats, my dad, my daughter. Instead I should be focusing on getting better and thinking good thoughts.

I've always been of the opinion that your thoughts create your reality. I try to stay positive and focused. I try to visualize myself happy, healthy and wealthy. I try to be a good person and avoid negative thoughts. I try to not worry. But I need to stop trying and just be. I need to put myself in God's hands and let him do the work and the worrying and just be grateful for my joylicious life.

A good friend gave me some advise the other day to help me get well. I think it works in many situations and wanted to pass it on to you. It was such a sweet affirmation of the goodness of people and life.

-Rest as much as you can and put in your mind the thought of gratitude for being healthy (even though you are not at the moment) but that thought will send a command to the rest of your body to heal itself.
- Eat some chicken soup (home made).
- Drink hot lemon tea with honey.
- And watch some funny movies or pictures to make you laugh and boost your immune system.
I hope you feel better soon!

So let's try and put our mind in the thought of gratitude. Not just for being healthy but being happy and joylicious too! Life is wonderful!

Waves of Grief

2010-10-07T09:40:00.001-07:00

My dad and I recently attended a grief support group at Swedish Hospital/Edmonds (formerly Stevens Hospital). We were given a handout titled The Waves of Grief. I thought it was really good and wanted to share it with you. I think personally I am in the last stage but as it states grief does come in waves and sometimes I notice myself going back a few stages before coming out stronger as I move forward again.

The Waves of Grief – Swedish/Edmonds Bereavement Program

The concept of the “waves” of grief may be helpful to you as you begin to make sense of your reactions following the death of your loved one. Often this time may seem to lack purpose and direction. With the goals of healing and rediscovering meaning in life, the following may be useful to you.

Coming to terms with the reality of your loss. The saying, “the only way out is through” is true of grief. The more you allow yourself to go through the myriad of emotions, the more you will move toward healing. Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to cry, laugh, rest when you can get regular exercise, eat nourishing food, and care for your spiritual self. And remember to BREATHE deeply as much as possible. These self-care activities are important now, and will remain important in the months ahead. Continuing to seek the support of understanding people, while caring for yourself on all levels, can help you begin to realize that you can recover the coping skills necessary to move forward in your life.

Learning what it means to live without your loved one. Gradually you will find yourself learning to adjust to a world in which your loved one is no longer living. The work ahead of you is to discover the place your loved one filled in your life, and to consider what tasks and roles may need to be assumed by you, or by others, and what changes may need to occur. Of course, some aspects of his/her place in your life will never be assumed by another. This is also the time to look at what it means to change your relationship with your loved one from a relationship of the present to a relationship of memory – in memory, he/she is always with you.

Beginning to develop a new identity, a new sense of yourself. Here is where you may begin to discover what really matters and has meaning for you. For many, this is a time of reprioritizing life activities, developing a deeper spirituality, and appreciating the preciousness of life.

This journey has no timetable. You may experience any of these waves in your own unique way, and maybe at recurrent or concurrent times. Anniversaries or future losses are often times when people feel they are going through the waves again. Care lovingly, gently and patiently for yourself. Remember to give yourself credit for each small step you take. You are journeying toward healing.

Makes You Say Hmmmm....

2010-10-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

I received this Note from the Universe the other day that read, "Simply put, the reason there are things you want that have not yet appeared in your life, is because you're just not used to thinking of yourself with them". It got me to thinking... I have struggled with my weight since I was 21 years old and even had a complex about my weight before that. I was never truly small or slim. I've always been curvy no matter how large or small. So I have a really hard time thinking of myself as a thin person.

They say that athletes should visualize themselves winning. Crossing the finish line in first place. Why can't I visualize myself as healthy and slim? Or at least normal size? Even when I lost 60 pounds 3 years ago, whenever I looked in the mirror I still saw a very fat person. I remember one day I was shopping in a fabric store and as I was waiting to be checked out the cashier made some catty comment to me about a woman who was shopping. She was overweight and the woman said something like, "a woman that size should never wear an outfit like that". I turned to see who she was talking about and realized the woman was the size I visualized in my head that I looked like! So I was surprised when it dawned on me that the cashier didn't view me that way.

I think it was the first time since I had lost the weight that I figured out I was truly smaller to the rest of the world. Yes I had lost 3 dress sizes and yes I felt really good but I didn't think or see myself being that way. I think it equates to people who are anorexic and never see themselves as that way either. So maybe what the Universe message to me was to start visualizing myself thin. To day dream about the clothes I will be wearing and look at myself with clearer eyes and realize that I'm on the right road. I've lost 27 pounds so far and my pants are starting to get baggy. I need to adjust my thinking to accomodate that loss and realize it's a great one! And it will only get better. Joylicious!

Milestones

2010-10-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

I hit a personal milestone this morning. It's a loss I'm happy to report! I have lost a total of 25 pounds on my diet! I now weigh what I weighed a year ago before I started the nightmare rounds of hormones and bio-identicals that started some of my weight gain. I am now looking forward to the next goal of another loss of 20 pounds. That would make me joyliciously happy!!

What's Eating Me?

2010-09-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

Last week in my diet meeting one of the women said she is constantly hungry even though she had eaten her meal and knew she wasn't really hungry. She said, "I'm hungry here." And she pointed to her heart. It started a long conversation among us of why we eat even though we know we aren't physically hungry. We are hungry for something else. Or trying to fill up what we think we are missing.

I know for me, eating when I'm not physically hungry means I'm bored, lonely, feeling bad, or even just tired. I'm trying to fill up a lack of love that I feel is missing from my life. I'm trying to stuff feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. I get that momentary high of sugar or carbs and then when it begins to wear off I look for my next fix. And what's really bad is that half the time I'm not even aware of the food as I stuff it in. I mindlessly watch tv or read and the next thing I know a package of cookies or bag of chips is gone and I have no recollection of tasting it.

When I was reading the book Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth yesterday there was a passage about being aware of our surroundings. Of noticing the way food tastes, smells, and feels in our mouth. Of learning our body well enough to know when we are truly hungry and to feel the feelings of being full without stuffing. She compared this mindless eating to taking a walk through the forest with ear buds from an ipod in our ears so we don't truly hear the sounds of the wind rushing through the trees, leaves crumpling under our feet, the smells of the redwoods, or the birds chirping. We miss out on life and the fullness of the joys of the experience.

During the diet meeting the doctor asked the woman if she wanted to start journaling her feelings to see if she could discover what she was truly trying to feed. The woman seemed very reluctant and said writing her feelings was hard for her. I can relate because I have always had trouble expressing myself as well in a public forum. Even if the public forum is only a journal for yourself. But I have now found that blogging, like journaling, is a way of learning about ourselves. It can be very empowering.

As I've continued on this diet journey I have started to really listen to my body for hunger pangs or why I'm eating at the time I am. I'm trying to discover when I want to binge and why. What is my mood at the time and what is happening externally in my world. I'm trying to be more mindful and present as I eat. To savor each bite and really taste the flavors of the food. That way when I do go back to a more normal diet I won't immediately regain any weight I've lost and I will have learned more about healthy eating. This diet has brought an unexpected bonus of changing my thought patterns and habits in ways I hadn't imagined. Joylicious!

In Preparation

2010-09-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is a newsletter I received from Cheryl Richardson yesterday. It speaks about how suffering loss can prepare you for something better even when it is hard to see it at the time. I thought it was worth sharing. Enjoy!

In Preparation - Cheryl Richardson

This week I caught an interview with Jennifer Hudson, the young singer who was voted off of American Idol and ended up stealing the show in the movie, Dreamgirls. Jennifer was asked how she handled the disappointment of being eliminated from Idol when most people thought she would win. She admitted that it was painful and that she cried a lot, but that eventually she returned to her faith. "I chose to trust that God had a bigger plan for me than I could see at the time," she explained.

I guess so. Her performance in Dreamgirls led to an Oscar.

Jennifer's story is a powerful reminder of how life's disappointments may in fact be preparation for something even more significant in our lives. And, this belief has the best chance of coming true when you make a demonstrated commitment to learn and grow from your present day circumstances.

When I look back at the painful breakup of the relationship I was in before my marriage, for example, I can see that the suffering and subsequent growth I went through was exactly what I needed to prepare me for a more mature and lasting relationship later on - although I certainly didn't know it at the time. The pain and disappointment forced me to grow. It challenged me to face my fear of living alone. It prompted me to get my butt into therapy. And it ultimately helped me to develop self-respect. I learned to treat myself better, which in turn, naturally raised my standards for how I would allow others to treat me in the future.

Jennifer's belief can serve us all in times of suffering or pain. For example, is there something going on in your life right now - a breakup, a problem at work, the slow growth of your business, or financial hardship - that might be attempting to prepare you for what's next? Think about it. What if your current challenge is a call to action - the kind of action that will prepare you for the next phase of your life? What are you being invited to learn? What qualities of character are trying to be strengthened or developed? Where do you need to take more responsibility in your life?

As I've dealt with my own challenges, the belief of "disappointment or suffering as preparation" is something I hold onto as a reminder that we are never alone, that there is a purpose to our suffering and pain, and that when we get to the other side, a great opportunity to use what we've learned in service to ourselves and others awaits.

Take heart. Every day, in some way, we're all being prepared for something better...
Joylicious!!

Grandma

2010-09-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

When I was a young girl, I can't remember how old, my mom used to send us to stay with my grandmother for a week or two every summer. She lived in Snohomish in a house that, as a small child, I have very fond memories. And that as an adult didn't match up with reality. Everything was bigger, more fun, more exciting than I think it really was but from my perspective it was a treat to get to stay with her and I loved it and looked forward to it every summer.

From my perspective as a small child the house was huge, the yard even bigger, with a garden that seemed to go on for miles. There were cages in the yard with cute fuzzy bunnies. I didn't want to think about what happened to the "pets", especially when we had rabbit for dinner. I can remember running up and down the rows of vegetables in the sunshine and thinking how lucky I was that my grandma lived on a "farm". Little did I know that returning as an adult I viewed it very differently realizing it was just a large lot on a normal street!

I was in awe of my aunts who weren't that much older than me as they took me and my sister on adventures picking blackberries, running through fields in the neighborhoods, and buying penny candy from the store on the corner. I was fascinated with the oldest of my aunts who was in high school and getting ready to go to college. I thought she was so grown up and I always wanted to be in her room looking at all of her exciting knick knacks, jewelry, and clothes.

There was a laundry chute in the bathroom that went to the basement and us kids would take turns sliding down it running back up the basement stairs to do it again and again. The house smelled like sawdust as my grandpa always had it delivered to heat the house. And I remember huge thunder storms and my sister and I would get into bed with grandma as we were terrified of the loud booms.    My grandmother make jelly with the berries we had picked. And she canned beans and other vegetables too. Sunday dinner was always delicious as she was a very good cook. It was an innocent and lovely time in my life.

As an adult I tried to stay connected with my grandmother as much as possible. She eventually moved to smaller houses, still staying in Snohomish, and they were always comfortable and welcoming. I enjoyed her cooking up until the end. I would try and visit her as often as possible even though I lived in Seattle and was a busy single parent. Several years later my hairdresser married and moved to Snohomish so I had regular visits with grandma every 6 weeks on the dot!

I would time my hair appointments so that I could go and have lunch with her and have a good cozy visit for the afternoon. I would help her with chores and we would chat about all kinds of things   Sometimes my daughter would be with me and sometimes it was just the two of us. I cherish those visits in my heart and will never forget them.

But looking backwards, yes I know I said I wouldn't, I wish I had not been so self-involved. I wish I had asked her more about her history and life and talked less about my problems and life. I wish I had listened to her wisdom and advice and not fretted so much about small things which in the grand scheme of things weren't really that important. What was important was my relationship with her and how much she meant to me.

My grandmother lived on her own until she was 94. She drove until she was 93. We think something might have happened to make her stop driving but none of us really knew for sure.   She had a gentleman friend who she went to lunch with until he passed away at 92 and a circle of church friends who watched out for her.

The family moved her into an assisted living home when she was 94 that was closer to where I and one of my aunts lived. It was such a luxury to be able to visit whenever I wanted. She loved to invite me to dinner and we would sit in the dining room and chat and then go upstairs to her apartment and visit like we used to. But I don't think she ever got over missing her home and her things and being able to sit in her dining room and look out over the little lake that she lived near. She only lasted a few months at the assisted living facility before she passed away. I have no regrets about the time I spent with her over the years but do have regrets about not knowing more about her life. Or asking her who everyone was in all the pictures in her albums. Or about her trips. We joke that all she ever talked about regarding her trips was all the meals she ate but she must have had wonderful adventures and most of them came in her 60's and beyond!

Cherish your elders. The have such wisdom of life, love, and loss. They have seen so much, done so much, lived amazing lives, and it's our job to discover what they have to share. Otherwise it can be too late and we will never know. My grandmother absolutely knew the meaning of joylicious and I miss her every day!

Shiny Happy People~

2010-09-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

There is an REM song titled Shiny Happy People that gives me inspiration for today.

I woke up this morning with a headache and my foot has been bothering me for a couple of weeks. As I lay in bed I reflected on thoughts of how comfy the bed was and how warm and cozy I felt cuddling with my kitty. I briefly thought about playing hooky from work and just staying home all day. Especially because I knew that I had a very light workload today. Very tempting!

But my sense of responsibility made me force myself to get up and feed the cats, take my shower, and start my day. As I stood in the shower feeling the warm water flow over me I thought about my life and how I have been inspired and how blessed I am to have the people around me that I do. Especially recently. It seems that negativity and drama seem to have disappeared from my life and shiny happy people have appeared in their place. What an awesome gift!

Maybe it's because I'm happier with myself these days that I am attracting these kinds of people into my life. Maybe I've cleared the air at work with enough gold dust to have avoided or changed workplace drama into harmony. Or maybe I've been a good influence on friends and family and I just don't notice or get sucked into their drama any longer. I can sympathize, empathize, and be a moral support to them but I can't allow their drama or unhappiness to disturb my well-being. Maybe it was just going away for a few days and being in a city that I love with a daughter that I adore and not stressing about anything more than what to eat for my next meal or what shop I wanted to visit next. Who knows for sure? But what I do know for sure is that I like this feeling and it makes me like my life right now. Joylicious~

Shiney Happy People - REM

Shiny happy people laughing
Meet me in the crowd
People people
Throw your love around
Love me love me
Take it into town
Happy happy
Put it in the ground
Where the flowers grow
Gold and silver shine

Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing

Everyone around love them, love them
Put it in your hands
Take it take it
There's no time to cry
Happy happy
Put it in your heart
Where tomorrow shines
Gold and silver shine

Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing

Because We Are Worthy~

2010-09-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

"It is difficult to describe the peace that comes with giving yourself permission to know what you know. To have hard, complicated realities staring at you and be able to raise your head and look back at them with a steady gaze, scared maybe, grieved perhaps, but straight on and unwavering" ~Valerie Tarico ph.d.

This quote arrived in my mailbox this morning and it really hit a chord with me. It made me stop and realize that when you look back at your life no matter how hard the time was you can't have regrets. You can't flinch at your past actions. You must accept your life as the life you were meant to live and look forward to the future.

It's hard not to grieve losses and past mistakes. It's hard not to have those little voices in your head telling you that you are not a good person. That you aren't worthy. That you don't deserve a good life. But you need to look at your life with clear eyes and an open heart and know that the life you lived made you the person you are today.

And you certainly don't want to live your life with regrets. When I look at old pictures of myself I remember how hard I always was on myself. I have always stressed about my weight. I moaned about grey hair, wrinkles, no money, no time, work issues, relationship issues. And when I look back I think, wow, I wasn't too bad looking! Why didn't I appreciate myself more? Or I'll think, I didn't give my daughter that bad of a life. Yes, we were broke, yes there was drama, but she turned out to be a wonderful, amazing young woman so I must have done some things right. We need to learn to give ourselves credit for what we did right. Not grieve over what we didn't have or didn't do but what we're going to do and what we're going to be.

I received my "Notes from the Universe" email today from Mike Dooley and it was along the same topic. It stated, "Oh, you're going to laugh alright, Kathy, but not just at the funny clothes you wore, or how naïve you thought the animals were, or by the unrecognized angels in your midst. But at how close you were when you thought yourself far, how much more strength you had when you thought yourself weak, and how easy life was when you thought it hard. "

Isn't life amazing that I would get the same message stated in two entirely different ways on the same day? Joylicious!!!

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

2010-09-16T06:30:00.000-07:00

There is a saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. I had one of those awesome experiences yesterday where someone came into my life for a reason.

As many of you know, I have been on a special diet for 3 weeks now. It is very expensive but also very effective. I have lost 18 lbs so far (yay me!) but was not going to continue due to lack of funding for the second 3 weeks of the program.

As I was asking questions during our meeting last night with the doctor about what the procedure was for stopping the injections for the diet and next steps the woman next to me shouted, "You're not leaving are you? Is it due to lack of funds?" I told her it was and that I didn't have a choice at this time. She told the doctor, "I'm paying for her!" I was so shocked! I said, "You don't even know me!" She told me she had recently come into a windfall at her job and she wanted to pay-it-forward and she knew how much losing weight meant to me and how important it was for my health. I started crying at her generousity and beautiful spirit of giving. What an awesome gift!

So, to make a long story short, I am continuing on with the diet program for 3 more weeks! And due to the incredible kindness of a stranger will be able to do it with ease and peace of mind. I plan on paying it forward to someone else someday! So be prepared world!! Sooooo joylicious!!

The End of Summer

2010-09-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am just finishing a week of a very disappointing vacation. The weather seems to have already turned to fall and I feel like summer was never here! It rained almost every day I was off. And, although I did drive with my sister to Enumclaw to visit a dear friend the rest of the week was mostly reading, cleaning my house, and taking it easy.

Sometimes our expectations don't live up to the real world. Too little money, too rainy, too little energy, too constricted of a diet, all conspired to make this time not what I hoped it would be. I need to learn to appreciate what I have.

And I do. I had a very relaxing, stress free week which I needed badly. I got to see an adorable town I've never visited before. I caught up on all my reading and research and even read an entire 800 page book in two days. Such luxury!

I think it was my time to stop and smell the roses. To listen to my body and realize I needed a break. To be away from the negativity and uncertainty at work. To have quality time with myself and my family. It's priceless.

Tomorrow I'm back in the stress of life. But I will look back on this past week as a time of rejuvination and restoration and not disappointment. That's more joylicious!

I'm Waiting for a Girl Like You~

2010-09-03T16:18:00.000-07:00

Why is it when we want something the most it feels like we have to wait the longest? And why do we get impatient for it to happen and it feels almost like going through the stages of grief? We get shock (I can't believe it's not happening yet!), anger (why won't it happen damn it??), sad (it's never going to happen..), depression (I don't understand why it hasn't happened..what did I do?), hope (maybe it will happen tomorrow!), acceptance (it's definitely happening tomorrow!!), and then happiness (it finally happened!!!).

It seems that we try to rush our lives from one urgent issue to another. And if one thing happens to slow us down instead of taking life easy and accepting that all good things will happen in their own time and God's time, we want to push through, get frustrated, and stress ourselves out?

I think it's time to go on vacation and re-learn how to relax. How to stop and enjoy life. Take a deep breath and look around at the loveliness that is around us. Sleep in, smell flowers, read a book, meditate, just relax...

I think that's what I'm gonna' do! Happy vacation! Joylicious~

Twistin' the Night Away

2010-08-31T12:56:00.000-07:00

I’m a very light sleeper. I toss and turn all night and the littlest noise wakes me up. It gets very frustrating some nights as I also can’t turn off my brain.

I’m currently reading Geneen Roth’s book Women, Food, and God. It’s a really good book and as I read it before I go to sleep I tend to ruminate on what I’ve read and turn it over and over in my mind as I drift off. The title of the chapter I have been reading is “It’s Not About the Weight but It’s Not Not About the Weight”. It delves into the why’s we eat and how we might be upset about our weight but that it's really a deeper issue that's going on and that it's not really about our weight. She states we use food to fill a void in our life. Just like alcohol, sex, and drugs or whatever other choice of self-sabotage you might use to cause problems in your life.

Roth also talks about how we have to learn to put the past in the past. One very interesting concept that had me thinking a lot was when she wrote about adults who have problems with their parents or upbringing and feel that their parents owe them something, whether an apology for how they were raised, or some other unfinished business from their childhood. How they blame their current issues on whatever happened to them as a child. Her contention is that you are now an adult and as an adult have to realize that your parents are older too and that the dynamics are now different and the apology or changes you needed as a child isn’t the same as what you need, or don't need, from your parent’s now.

It’s funny that I read that last night and how appropriate it was for a situation I had at work today. I always post the current month’s birthdays on a readerboard in the office. One of my co-workers came in and asked me to remove his name. He said that when he was 13 he was so excited that he was becoming a teenager and couldn't wait for his birthday. But he went on to say that it was also the first of many times that his parents forgot his birthday. He told me he doesn’t like to celebrate it because of that and asked me to remove his name which I did. He said that he lets his wife and daughter celebrate it but otherwise wants it to be just a normal day because he has bitter feelings towards his parents due to these past experiences.

What popped into my head first of all was why are you still allowing your parents to define how you celebrate your birthday? This is not a young man. He is in his 50’s. There is no way that his parents can now go back and ever make up to him the fact that they missed several of his special days. But he can and should now move forward and have the most rockin’, outrageous birthdays he can. He needs to make himself feel special and to celebrate himself the best he knows how and not look back.

It also made me realize I need to fill the empty spaces of missed birthdays (metaphor here), low self esteem, self doubt, longing for a relationship, etc. with joy instead of food for whatever I feel is lacking in my life. There is no blaming our history or our parents. There is only the present and how we treat ourselves now and how we regard the future. I want to follow Louise Hay’s advice and look at myself in the mirror each morning and say, “I love you”. And I want to have a rockin' good time doing it! That would definitely be Joylicious!

Dream a Little Dream of Me~

2010-08-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

This is an excellent article by David Kessler titled "In Your Dreams". It is from the Oprah.com website and I thought it was worth sharing. Joylicious!!!

In Your Dreams - Dreams and Grief

Dreams come in many forms and provide insight into your greatest hopes and fears. But David Kessler explains that your subconscious could also be the key to helping you through your grief about the loss of a loved one.
Here's one woman's story.

Catherine and her husband, John, sat at dinner. John pulled back from the table with sudden pain in his chest. His wife immediately said they needed to go to the emergency room.

John disagreed. He jokingly told Catherine it was probably indigestion, with no negative reflection on her cooking. John was determined to wait it out, hoping the pain would go away. After a half hour, his loving wife had had enough. Catherine practically pushed him in the car and took him to the hospital.

They arrived to a packed waiting room. John, still convinced he was suffering from indigestion, started nagging Catherine about returning home. Though the ER was chaotic and crowded, a nurse tended to John immediately, as patients with chest pains are brought straight to the back for observation and testing. Catherine was left alone in the waiting room, unable to follow John into the back.

Catherine sat patiently outside as she saw the ER grow even busier, one ambulance arriving after another. Then she heard someone yell, "We have a gunshot here," as they brought a patient back. She reluctantly went up to the busy nurse at the desk and said: "It has been 20 minutes. Can I go see my husband now?" The nurse looked up with a puzzled look and said no one was allowed into the back until the ER calmed down.

Almost two hours after arriving, after many visits to the front desk, a social worker stood before Catherine, explaining that John had a massive heart attack and died. She apologized for the chaos and busyness of the night and told her that not only could she not see John, but they were so in need of beds that he had already been taken to the morgue downstairs.

Catherine, in shock, drove home to find friends and family already gathering in response to the news. Catherine sat very still in a chair while family members cleared the dinner plates from earlier.

The phone was ringing nonstop with friends who'd heard the news. An unexpected call then came in from the social worker at the hospital. She told Catherine that she had made a horrible mistake, possibly the worst of her career. She had mistakenly told Catherine that John had died, when in fact it was another patient who had died. Catherine held the phone to her ear with more tears flowing down her face. The social worker went on to say that John was quite upset that Catherine left, as his chest pains turned out to be nothing more than indigestion.

Catherine, of course, said she was on her way back to the hospital. The social worker stopped her mid-sentence to say that an ambulance driver who heard about the incident was already bringing John home.

Catherine put down the phone, trying to comprehend what had just happened. John, on the other hand, was sitting in the front seat of an ambulance, listening to the kind driver telling him that mistakes are often made in medicine, but at least this mistake had a happy ending. As they turned the corner to his home, the driver, for fun, reached down and turned on the lights and siren.

John stepped out of the ambulance like a rock star with sirens blaring. He walked toward the overjoyed Catherine, who jumped into his arms. The family engulfed the couple as Catherine and John seemed to hug for an eternity. After a few minutes so, Catherine began to feel annoyed with the noise and looked to the ambulance driver to have him turn off the sirens. But then she realized the siren was the sound of her alarm clock. It was time to wake up for work. It had all been a dream. John was gone from the living and her life was forever changed.

Dreams often make promises they can't keep, an aspect of our psyches that brings with it a fleeting feeling of reconnection. Many people say that regardless of the outcome of the dream, they are grateful for even a few more moments with a deceased loved one.

Dreams sometimes give us glimpses of other worlds. We may never know how real they are. Some dreams are crazy, others hard to figure out, and some may turn out to be real. We do know that dreams are a natural part of sleep. They symbolize everything from our hopes to our deepest fears.

Dreams can provide us with information about what is really going on inside us. Our dreams can demonstrate the inevitable lack of control we feel when we are grieving. Dreams may serve many purposes, including a distraction from pain or our soul grappling with the reality of loss.

Dreams help us deal with overwhelming feelings while we sleep, an aid to the grief process, as the unconscious mind cannot distinguish between a wish and reality. We may not realize how much we work out psychologically in our dream state. All of us dream every night, but only a small percentage of us are aware of our dreams after we wake. Dreams can become a meeting place between the world of the living and the realm of the deceased.

During grief, our dreams often change. Messages are usually much more to the point and contain signs of reassurance, continued existence and emotional support. When our deceased loved ones appear in the dream world, it provides a respite from the current world of pain and loss.

When people dream of a loved one, they often report feeling a sense of peace afterward, a reassurance beyond words. Some have pangs of pain when they realize it was only a dream, but eventually, the dreams will begin to subside and become less frequent. While they are still happening, they often represent a form of communication, reassurance and emotional support.

The dream vision of a loved one can also represent unfinished business, giving us the chance to complete something that ended all too soon.

Our dreams show us that our loved ones are not, in essence, the sick people we tearfully said goodbye to in the hospital. Neither are our loved ones the bodies we saw at the funeral homes. Our loved ones are healthy and intact, the people we knew and now long to see again.

Who and what are you dreaming about? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

David Kessler is the author of Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms (May 2010), as well as the co-author with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross of On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons. Visit his website for more help and resources.

Day 1 - And So It Begins

2010-08-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of my new diet. I went to the hour long meeting last night and we were given an info packet that was about 10 pages thick plus a zip drive with 300 more pages that include the diet founder's book, recipes, and instructions. Yikes! Lots of reading. But what was fabulous was the instructions for days 1 and 2.

The instructions read verbatim, "You MUST gorge yourself and eat as much food as you can throught the day. (This overeating will only be done for the fist two days.)" And the food list for the two "loading days" as they are called include some of the following: chocolate, pastries with whip cream, sugar, fried meats (particularly pork), eggs, bacon, mayonnaise, bread, thick butter, avocados, nuts, seeds, coconut milk and oil, olives, cakes, cookies, custards, creams, pastries, cream and cheese.

This is the first diet I've ever been on where I could order a pizza with all the works, cheesy bread, AND dessert and tell the waiter it was because I am on a diet! They would look at you crazy! But believe it or not, I'm only into 1/2 of the first day and I already feel yucky! I'll be glad to get to the cleansing, low cal part of the diet after these two days are over. This should be every woman's dream. Who knew eating so much junk and fat would make you feel so cruddy!

I'm hoping that this diet works for me. It is based on my giving myself shots of a hormone each morning that will reset my metabolism. And, yes, I actually did it this morning. The shot didn't hurt at all but the alcohol swab stung like a son-of-a-gun!

I'll probably gain 3-5 pounds in this two-day loading period but hopefully it will come off quickly and I will feel fabulous in the process. I'm on my way to a new start of another joylicious adventure in my life!! Stay tuned!!

All You Need is Love

2010-08-25T13:36:00.000-07:00

I received this quote in my email today from Mama Gena, “Love yourself first, foremost, and always.”

Why do women find this simple statement to be so hard to follow? Me included? Women put their children first. Their husbands, lovers, and friends first. We give and give until there is nothing left. And, in addition to neglecting ourselves and not nourishing our souls, we can be our own worst critics. Thinking we are a bad mother, a bad friend, etc. What kind of role model does this show our children? We love too hard and too much. We give so much to others we empty ourselves out. We can lose self respect for ourselves. We get depressed. Especially when that love isn’t returned the way we want it to be returned.

I am guilty of loving someone too much. Of putting my daughter, family, or friends first. Of taking care of others while neglecting myself. But, and I’ve talked about this before, how can we adequately take care of others when we don’t take care of ourselves?

I was in a relationship a couple of years ago where I gave so much to someone who didn’t appreciate it. And they didn’t respect me for it either. I was always feeling lonely even when I was with him. I needed to learn to love myself first before I could love him back and do it in a healthy, mature manner.

Of course the relationship ended badly. And my heart was broken. And I thought, I’ll just change myself into this great person and he will want me back! And he did…for a minute. But the old patterns started again and I realized in the end that I needed to change for myself not him.

I needed to learn to love myself first to understand and set proper boundaries to have someone love me in return. And now I want to find someone who will appreciate that I feel good about myself and live joyliciously so he will want to be part of that joy and love! It’s still a work in progress but I’m getting better every day. I’m finding that I am starting to like myself again. And to be able to look in the mirror each morning and say, “You are ok. I love you. You matter to me.”

A few years ago I got a tattoo of a heart on my shoulder to remind myself of just that. Maybe I’ll show you someday! Joyliciously fun!!!

Charlie

2010-08-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I was flipping through reading random blogs when I came across one that made me stop and read. It wasn’t all fancy with tons of pictures or a colorful background. All it had was a date and then the author starting writing. What caught my eye were the first two sentences. They read, “I’m in agony. I hope I did the right thing.”

The blog then proceeded to talk about dealing with advanced diabetes, medical procedures, medicines, and trips to health facilities. As I read my heart went out to this woman. But as I read I began to realize what she was talking about was that she had put her beloved pet cat down the previous day. She talked about lying with him for hours crying at what she knew was the impending end. Of him sleeping between her and her husband each night and the love she felt for him. She talked of her sadness at knowing it was the right time to put him down but the hardest decision she ever made. And the self-doubt as she drove to the vet with him beside her in the car that one last time.

I had tears running down my face. But what really got me was as I scrolled down the page a picture of her wonderful cat appeared. It was the twin of my dear kitty Charlie. And I had just experienced a similar loss only 8 months before. Oh how I could identify with her emotions. I still have a hard time talking about Charlie. I want to someday write about his personality and antics but for now the loss is still too fresh. Even after all of these months.

How is it that we become so attached to our furry little friends? They are our other children. Their constant and unconditional love for us. Their need for us and us for them. They provide companionship in good times and bad. I originally got Charlie to help me with empty nest syndrome when my daughter went away to college. I had him for 15 years. He was my buddy, my baby, my angel kitty.

My heart goes out to the woman whose blog I read. I wish I had saved it and sent her an email. But I was so shocked when I saw the picture and crying so much I had to close my computer and go to bed for the night.

Cherish your pets. They are here for us when we need them. To comfort us and make us laugh. To fill us with exasperation and amazement. Enjoy them while you can.

To my furry angel kitty – Charlie! Love you always. Joyliciously~

My Vision and Mission Statements

2010-08-19T15:42:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I was one of 7 finalists in Dr. Pat's Holistic Makeover (http://transformationtalkradio.com/). I feel very privileged and blessed to be part of this process and sharing my stories with you. In winning this makeover we were each challenged to come up with a Pay-It-Forward project. Thus began my blog on learning to have a joylicious life after suffering loss and grief.

Recently Dr. Pat asked all of us to write our vision and mission statements for our Pay-It-Forward projects. She also asked us to post them on our blogs. Here are mine. I would love any feedback or suggestions on how I can make my blog better or future items or stories you would like me to share or discuss. Thanks so much! Have a joylicious day~

Vision Statement: I envision women reaching their full potential by learning to embrace loss and grief as opening a path to a new hopeful, peaceful and joylicious life.

Mission Statement: Using my writings, blog, and speaking engagements I will inspire, coach, and enable women to see that they are special and that their stories matter. That all women can experience a joylicious life after suffering adversity.

Aloha~

2010-08-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

In a recent issue of AARP magazine (yes, I’m a member), I read the following: “When Vacation Isn’t 62% of those 45-54 have used their paid leave for caregiving.”

At the time my stepmother became ill with ALS I had over 1000 hours of sick leave available to me as well as 4 weeks of vacation a year and 8 furlough days. And I used all of them to help my father take care of her and then to take care of him when he was in the hospital. I would do it again if called for but I now know, looking back, that it wasn’t healthy for me to spend all of those hours as a caregiver and not take care of myself in the process. And that is why I struggle with good health now.

I think too often women, in particular, give so much of their time and energy in service of others that they can damage their health. Our kids need us, our parents need us, we feel a commitment to our job, our church, our friends. And it is hard for us to say no.

We love our family and friends. We don’t want to disappoint them or feel we are letting them down. But I think we better serve them and ourselves if we set boundaries and expectations and then hold ourselves accountable to those very things. I constantly have to ask myself, “what good am I if I’m so tired or not feeling well that I’m not taking proper care of myself or my father”? If I can’t give 100% to whatever task at hand, no matter how lovingly or willingly we do it, I think we need to ask for help.

And that opens up a whole other issue. Asking for help. I’m the worst. I think I’m superwoman. I can do it all. And I want to do it all. But I have to know my own limitations and not let my pride get in my way. I have to look at is as I’m giving a gift to the people who want to help too. I’m making them feel better by letting them know they are needed and wanted too. That they can contribute as much as me and as well as me. It’s a validation of their worth too.

Let’s all try and take some time off. A true vacation. Even if it is only one day to cherish and pamper yourself. Nurture yourself. It will make you feel better. Then you can pass on those good feelings to everyone around you and it’s taking better care of you and your loved ones in the long run. Joylicious!

The Challenge

2010-08-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

Some people are wondering why I’ve named my blog Kat’s Joylicious Life and I’ve been asked to define the word Joylicious and what it means to me.

I think of Joylicious as a combination of several words that evoke strong emotional feelings. Those words would include joyful, delightful, delicious, luscious, scrumptious, enchanting, peaceful, hopeful and hope filled.

Finding a life for yourself that goes beyond happy and encompasses your current and future situations.

It means taking your loss and grief and trusting in the process that the universe is not testing you. But that it is opening up space for new and better experiences to come to you.

I also want the word to be used as a reminder to women not to lose themselves in care giving or relationships. To love themselves and cherish themselves even during the hard times so that they don’t neglect their health and well-being. If you don’t take care of yourself first it’s very hard to have anything left to give to others.

It’s a reminder to live your life with passion and pleasure. You only have one life so why spend it being negative and depressed. Look for the Joylicious moments in your life every day.

More to come…Kisses!

A Weight-y Issue

2010-08-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

When I was a sophomore in high school we had to take Physical Education as a required class. I was never very good at it as I have always been uncoordinated and have never really enjoyed or understood why people willingly want to exercise.

One day we were told to suit up and head to the gym. We wore these horrible short navy blue jumpsuits. When we got there we were assembled in a line and one at a time asked to step on a scale and get weighed in front of the entire class. It was and still is one of the most humiliating experiences and memories of my life. I got on the scale and weighed 135. I was the 2nd to heaviest girl in the class and the heaviest girl was truly heavy! My self-esteem had never really been good but this was terrible!

The whispers and snickering of the other girls. The sideways looks of pity. I was devastated. I had always been self-conscious when shopping with my friends anyway as they all wore sizes 2, 4, 6. I was very curvy and, at 5’5”, wore a size 11 and had to shop in the women’s department while they all chose clothes from the junior department! What I would give to weigh 135 now! And I haven’t seen that size since I was 20 years old!

I think it was so cruel of my school to do that to us girls. Even some of the thin girls were humiliated. I had always felt not good enough anyway as my mother was beautiful and a petite size 7 and 5’2”. I can still hear those whispers and laughter in my head to this day.

When I was 21 I gave birth to my daughter. I gained 70 lbs during my pregnancy that I have never taken off. But how long can you claim, “it’s the baby weight” when your daughter is 35?

Next week I’m going to start a new diet. I really hate that word. Think about it. The first three letters are D-I-E. That can’t be good. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m depriving myself all the time and see my weight creep up and up. I will be working with my naturopath and I want to call it a new lifestyle. Changing my metabolism. I’m reading the new book Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I’m trying to change what’s in my head too. The negative self-talk messages that make me fat. That voice that tells me I’m not good enough to be thin and beautiful. I know I can do this. I want to take off this weight for the last time in my life and be healthy so that I can live to a ripe old age.

I will be exploring some of these feelings in the coming weeks. I know that there is a beautiful, joylicious woman in there! And I’m going to find her!! I hope you join my journey!

Amazing Grace

2010-08-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

My daughter was laid off from her position with a company that did a huge downsizing a little over two years ago. With the flagging economy and working at a company that owed millions in loans they had to learn to be a leaner, more efficient company.

At the time she was devastated. She was angry, resentful, and a little lost, as she had no idea what her next steps would be. She applied for jobs but the reality was that so many companies were downsizing that there weren’t many jobs to apply for. She was looking for Admin, PR, Marketing jobs and finding nothing. Even with a bachelor’s degree. And the jobs that were hiring weren’t paying anywhere near what she had previously earned.

She floundered around for approximately a year swimming in her resentment. And after much soul searching came to the realization that she really didn’t want to work in an office environment any longer. 10 years earlier in college she had always toyed with the idea of becoming a teacher. But had decided she enjoyed writing much more and so got her degree in journalism/public relations instead.

She made the brave decision to go back to school and get a degree in Early Elementary Education with the intent of getting her teaching certificate. She was excited about life again. She felt like she was on the right path and doing what she was meant to do.

Starting school again was a challenge. Things had changed in the academic world. Everything was online now. Lots of reading and emailing. She felt somewhat overwhelmed but took it all in stride as she knew she had found her calling.

During this time her grandmother, my stepmom, passed away. They had always been close so this hurt her very badly. Then bam, life came knocking again! Her fiancé decided three months before their wedding to call it off after 10 years together. Here she was living on student loans, working hard to change her life, and now she was going to do another 180-degree turn in a different path.

She moved to a new apartment, found a Para-educator job teaching kindergarten to supplement her income, and started a path to a new life. Yes, she was depressed. Yes, her life ended up so completely different from the map she had made for herself. But it’s funny about life. Just as things could have been at their lowest for her the best things happened. She had to open up space in her life for the new good things to come.

She started her new direction. Her new life. She is currently waiting to enter UW Bothell to continue her quest for her Post-Bach Certificate in Teaching. She has many options open to her in her future. A bright shiny new life. I admire her beyond words. She has a plan. She has a path. She understands that through suffering loss she found a greater joy. She has the whole world open to her and she has done it with grace and perseverance. I am so proud of my beautiful courageous daughter. She is joyliciously my heart!

It's a White Wedding

2010-08-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

I heard on the news the other day that it is the 5th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. I can’t believe how time flies.

I had the pleasure of visiting New Orleans 3 years ago to attend my cousin’s wedding. My aunt and I took the red-eye flight out on a Friday night and spent a whirlwind weekend site seeing, eating, and visiting with family in this gorgeous amazing city. I have never visited a city that felt so vibrant. It’s very nature assaults all of your senses like no other place I’ve ever been. The smells of delicious food wafting from the restaurants or the flowers in the garden district. The sights of the architecture, cemeteries, gardens, waterways, people. Amazing. And the sounds of the music coming from the clubs in the French Quarter or the different languages or accents spoken by both residents and visitors alike.

The wedding was amazing. One of the prettiest and most interesting times that I’ve ever had at a wedding. The guests were wonderful, the bride beautiful in her wedding dress, good food, good music. It was so much fun. Dancing and good times.

But outside of the home where the wedding was held there was an eerie feeling to the neighborhood. It had been two years since the levy broke on that fateful day of August 28, 2005. There were still watermarks on the sides of the buildings that showed how far the water had risen. You could see where they had written body counts in chalk against the siding of the homes. Stores were closed. Street cars not running. Abandoned homes everywhere. FEMA trailers parked in front of decimated homes. It was really sad.

The people we met spoke of their experiences during the weeks in the aftermath of the hurricane. How come things were being rebuilt so slowly? Where was all of the government aid and money that was supposed to be provided? There was talk that Brad Pitt was filming a movie in the area and had put millions of his own money into revitalizing the 9th Ward. But the frustration and anger at the disconnect between the action and help that was supposed to be and the reality of the rebuild was incredible. I felt helpless and angry.

Something else I felt that weekend though was the energy and optimism of the residents of New Orleans. Their ability to see past the decaying buildings and empty lots and to a future filled with possibilities. They knew it would all work out ok. That they would come back stronger than ever. Be as beautiful of a city as ever. And 5 years later a lot of things have changed.

Yet now the city is hit yet again with the huge BP oil spill. They just can’t seem to get a break as they see their waters polluted with the sticky oily substance. Their shrimp harvesting season a mess. The fishermen losing millions of dollars and our ecosystem in disarray. But I get the feeling that their indomitable spirit and hopeful optimism will prevail and that they will rebuild and renew once again. For the city of New Orleans truly understands the term joylicious! In every sense, smell, touch, and taste of the word.

Procrastination

2010-08-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when we are feeling the most overwhelmed, frustrated, or scared, instead of tackling the problem head on we choose to shut down? I am overwhelmed at work. Hardly a minute to breathe I’m so busy. I come home and I have 2 new magazines in the mailbox (although one of them is Oprah’s and it’s her makeover edition so I’m excited about that) but it means lots of reading and I stick them on the pile of already waiting magazines. I have a part of last Sunday’s paper on the table with an article I’m really interested in closely reading as it pertains to big changes in my neighborhood. I have at least 5 books on my nightstand begging for attention including Geneen Roth’s new book on weight and God. Cats wanting to be fed, a blog to write, emails to answer, bills to pay, laundry, etc. and all I want to do is sit down and watch television. Or play computer games.

But even sitting down to watch the TV is stressing me out. I just got a new dvr and I am already overwhelmed with the amount of shows I have waiting to watch as days go by and I don’t have time to even sit down and enjoy them. And I think to myself that all of these stressors are self-inflicted. I don’t really have to do any of these things. But I want to do all of them! I want to spend a week reading, writing, organizing, and just being still. But instead I just go, go, go.

As I write this I am looking out the window at the beautiful pink, purple and red sunset and thinking I should walk down to the river that is at the end of my driveway. Find some peace and solitude. Enjoy the tranquility of the warm night as the water lazily flows downstream. I take a deep breath and calm my mind and myself and I know everything will get done when it’s supposed to and not a minute sooner. There is peace in procrastination. Joylicious!

A Modern Day Psalm

2010-08-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

My daughter sent me this from her church. I love it!

A Modern Day Psalm by Rev. Kathianne Lewis

O Divine Spirit, wake me up to what is True, Eternal and Good.

Keep me steady while the world shifts and changes and rearranges itself.

Don't let me stumble or fall in any way.

Keep me cheerful when all those around me are pessimistic and whiney.

Let my Love and Joy lift them up and soothe their fears.

Keep me focused when the multitude of distractions cry out for me to partake of their pleasures.

Don't let me trade a short-term thrill for the long-term rewards of discipline and commitment.

Keep me positive about the future even though what makes it on the news is the latest crisis or example of human failings.

Let me be the one to share the Good news that all people are created by Goodness and together we can create beautiful solutions for what ails the world.

Keep me faithful to the highest truths I know, even when my doubts loom large.

Let the Faith within me grow and dissolve the last vestiges of disease, debt, distress, loneliness, poverty or ignorance within me.

Let the Light of my Faith ignite the Faith of others so that all can know:

God is the Ultimate Source of all Good things.

With these words my life is shaped.

Glory to God in All!

Blessings,

Rev. Kathianne Lewis
Center for Spiritual Living Seattle

My Own Private Summer

2010-08-11T06:36:00.000-07:00

One word strikes fear into the hearts of middle-aged women everywhere. Menopause!

In my late 40’s I started forgetting people’s names or places I had been. It was, “you know, that lady with the red hair”… Or, “C’mon, we’ve been to that restaurant a million times, you know, the place with the fish tank in it”. My family would look at me like I was crazy because I had always had a mind like a steel trap. I started having insomnia around the age of 50. It developed into panic attacks and night sweats. Suddenly it was like an alien inhabited my body. Or that movie where the girl’s head spins around and the devil’s voice comes out of her. And I didn’t take any stuff from anyone anymore!

I had no idea who this woman was that I had become. One minute I would be laughing and the next minute so mad I could spit and the next minute crying. I tried to maintain a sense of calm and a sense of humor as I worked with almost 100 men at the time and it was, to say the least, not fun. Especially when they would try to be “helpful” and tell me all the stories of experiences they had with their wives going through “the change”. Embarrassing to hear and deal with at work to say the least! And it was also the first time I had ever been called the B word to my face at work. Not behind my back but actually to my face!

And suddenly I had a muffin top when I wasn’t wearing tight jeans! Where in the heck did my waist go? I had always been a large woman but had always had an hourglass figure. My girlfriends and I started calling the hot flashes “our own private summer”. Heater on, fan on, heater on, fan on, jacket on, sweater off, jacket on, sweater off, blankets on, blankets off, blankets on, blankets off. I was turning schizophrenic.

It was also hard because I lost my libido. I just didn’t care anymore. Part of it was probably due to being a caregiver and giving so much of myself that I had nothing left to give in the bedroom and part of it was probably depression due to the breakup of my relationship. But it was gone and I didn’t know where to find it! I tried some pills the doctor gave me and promptly put on 12 pounds of what she termed water weight. I term it, oh great not again!

But I made it through all the drama and uneasiness of the process and guess what? My libido came back, the hot flashes stopped, my moods evened out, and I can even sleep through most of the night and with most of the blankets!

But the best part of going through menopause was that I found a voice for myself. I didn’t care what people thought of me anymore. I felt more at ease with myself. I still don’t like the extra weight and have a plan to tackle that issue later this month. But I learned to speak up and defend my opinions and myself. And I’m hoping through this holistic makeover that I will be able to get stronger and verbalize even clearer my experiences and pass that message on to other women. It is actually a freeing experience! And with the right vitamins and taking care of yourself can be a relatively painless one too. I just hope you don’t work with lots of men!! By the way, they all survived too. One guy told me near the end of the experience, “Hey Kat, you’re on the downhill side!” I said, “Yes but on the uphill side of life”!! Joylicious!!~

To Write or Not To Write

2010-08-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

I got up this morning with the intention of posting a blog that I had written yesterday about my ex. But after several conversations over the weekend regarding writing a blog and it being such a public forum I reread what I had written and just couldn't do it today.

Why is it that when we start to feel healthy or that we are on a path to happiness and well-being we start to doubt ourselves? We second-guess our decisions, statements, and actions? Even in my blog about my father I found myself editing what I had written and deleting several paragraphs. Deciding there were things I couldn't share so publicly. I know I need to purge my past to move forward into the future but is there a better way to do it?

I think all of us have good days and bad days. I'm already dreading today and this week at work and it's only 8am on Monday morning! With no managers during the day, an FMLA day with my father tomorrow, filling in for an assistant who is on vacation this week, and dealing with an executive who is very challenging, I'm already stressed and overwhelmed before I've begun. Deep breathing, stretching, meditating, letting the gold dust fall over the room. All techniques that have always worked for me. But today they don’t seem to be helping.

A comment was also made to me this weekend that the things I’ve shared on this blog aren’t normally things I talk about to anyone. Ever. So the fact I’m trying to be open and honest and really learn and grow from this experience and how uncomfortable I am today really tells me that something is happening.

I will plaster a smile on my face and greet the day and week as optimistically as possible. I will overcome the butterflies in my stomach. I am a strong, vibrant woman. As Louise Hay says, “Out of this situation only good will come”.

Everyone have a joylicious Monday! I know I will!

Fathers and Daughters

2010-08-08T06:43:00.001-07:00

For the past year my sister and I have helped our father through a very difficult time in his life. First with the grief of losing his wife of 40 years and then with his health issues including spending an entire month in the hospital last year and almost dying. My sister takes him grocery shopping ever Friday and does his laundry and odd chores. I spend every Sunday with him mostly just cooking him dinner and completing any odd chores he doesn’t give to her. Both of us shuttle him to doctors’ appointments as needed. And it seems he needs a lot of them!

My relationship with my father hasn’t always been easy. He and my mother divorced when I was 12. Preteen is a very hard time in a young girl’s life. A time when she should be developing her first real relationship with a man that will shape her future relationships with partners. After he moved out it became even more difficult to bond with him than it had been when he lived with us. I pulled away and became shy and closed off around him. I always felt I could never live up to his high expectations and that I always fell short as a daughter and the eldest sibling.

When I was 15 he met and married my stepmother. They had a wonderful relationship and were each other’s best friends. They started a business together and were very successful. It made it even harder to bond with him as I felt like a 3rd wheel around them. They didn’t seem to need any of us. They seemed so happy together that I, at least, felt very shut out. I felt not important to him and that I caused him nothing but problems.

I felt like every time I really needed a dad, a father, all he did was throw some money at me and figure he did his job. A lot of the time I didn’t want money. I just wanted a hug or to feel validated that my life was worth something. He was a hard taskmaster and set very high standards for all of us kids. I couldn’t talk to him about what was important to me or what was going on in my life. I became very good at hiding emotions and my real life with him.

Funny how time changes things. When my stepmother was diagnosed with ALS in November 2007 so began one of the hardest years in my life and absolutely in my father’s life. He was the primary caregiver as she began to lose the use of her body. First her ability to smell and taste. She soon had a feeding tube and we both learned how to feed her. We also had to give her meds through the tube. She then lost her ability to breathe properly and was fitted with a breathing machine. Slowly she lost the ability to move, talk, and walk and was using cards to point to what she wanted. We purchased a white board for her to communicate. It was sad and hard on all of us. She died at home in February 2009.

Through it all my father’s devotion and care of her was amazing. He wouldn’t leave the house for weeks at a time because she was afraid to be without him. But, just as it happened with me, his health suffered. Every ounce of energy and time was consumed with taking care of her. The three of us would spend long days talking about the future and planning for after she passed. I learned more about my parents and their relationship in that year than I did in all of the 40 years they were together.

And I have to tell you, when you change a parent’s bedpan, feed them through a tube, caress them as you rub lotion on them, and learn more about their bodies and bodily functions then you ever ever imagined, it changes a relationship. As you start to trade places with them and they become the children and you the parent it changes your perspective.

Now when I call my dad on the phone his voice lights up when he hears that it’s me. That makes me feel good. He gets so excited about planning the Sunday dinners and is always anxious that there are leftovers for one night during the week. Especially now that he has mastered the art of the microwave. We can talk about anything. There are really no barriers any longer. Yes, he still drives me crazy. He can’t hear out of one ear so if you try to talk to him while he is walking he makes you wait until he sits down so that he can understand what you say. Or when you ask him a question he always responds with “I don’t know?” Or the fact that I will never live up to the way my stepmom did things. It is always, “Shirley always made that decision.” Or when you cook he is grateful but there is always the comment, “Well, it’s not exactly like Shirley’s…”. But I do the best I can and try to remain as calm and cheerful as possible.

But I also wonder, what happened to the decisive businessman who always had his views firmly planted in his Republican righteousness? What happened to my tall handsome father who now walks with a cane or walker (that is, if no one is watching because he doesn’t want anyone to realize he is old)? And when did his hair get so white? He is still a big flirt but if a woman looked at him seriously he would run for cover! And all he wants is another wife to cook for him, watch Wheel of Fortune with him, and snuggle with him at night. Is that so much to ask?

I’m so grateful for the past two years with him and the last year with my stepmother even though it was so difficult. It gave me a whole new appreciation for the life they had together and a new bond with my father. It helped clarify for me what kind of partner I would like to meet and spend the rest of my days with. Out of tragedy came great respect and love. And I think that goes both ways with us. Joylicious~

Last Woman Standing

2010-08-07T07:09:00.001-07:00

As of yesterday I’m the last woman left in our department at work. I work in a blue collar union shop with approximately 40 press operators.

Our department has had almost 100% turnover in management in the past 3 years. My boss passed away from cancer in 2008. That was a very difficult time for all of us watching as he went through chemo and radiation and we saw the transformation the horrible drugs caused. And it was hard for me to talk to him before he passed as this was the time when I was dealing with the issues of caring for my step-mother who was dying from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease).

During the time of my boss’s illness one of the women managers made the choice with her husband to retire and move to Winthrop. I am so happy for her and to this day she remains one of my dearest friends. It was so hard to lose her. Hard on the department and hard on me. I spent one entire counseling session crying about the loss of her leaving. Hail to the purple pen!

In September of 2009 another manager and dear friend made the choice to also retire after 37 years with the company. He and his wife moved to Enumclaw and are very happy. They live right next door to their grandchildren’s school and life is good. I see them occasionally but it isn’t the same. He was like a second father to me when I needed it the most.

In May of 2010 a rather controversial dayside manager accepted a position in Phoenix and left the company. It was actually somewhat of a relief. Now the remaining managers could bring calm and order back to the room. Or so I thought…

In June of 2010 the 2nd dayside manager decided to resign to take time to care for his dying father. So commendable. But very hard to lose him. I’m so happy he has the opportunity and means to be able to spend quality time in the last days of his father’s life. Miss his quirky sense of humor.

Yesterday was the last day of the remaining woman manager. She was very valuable to our department and had become a great friend. And, she was the only other woman working in the department besides me. She has decided to move back to New York to be with her family. I wish her great success and happiness and hope she has all her wishes come true. I will miss our talks and jokes. Especially about the craziness of working with all the union men.

But this brings me to women friends both in the workplace and at home. My friends are very valuable to me. There used to be a time when I had many friends. My daughter used to complain that we couldn’t go anywhere without running into people I knew. Even on vacation in another city! But they weren’t deep friendships. They were acquaintances.

I now have very few friends but the friends I do have mean the world to me. I can honestly say I love all of them. I feel they are true friends. Some of them are relatives, some ex-coworkers, and some from as far back as high school. I feel like I can trust them with my deepest darkest secrets and I hope they feel the same about me. They know more about me than anyone and it’s ok. It’s not scary. I used to really be afraid that if any of my “friends” knew the real me they would not like me. I don’t feel that way anymore and I hold each one of them in my heart and will do so forever. When friends are in trouble you circle the wagons and protect them. You are there when they need help, support, celebrating joy, or just a shoulder to cry on. No judging and no back stabbing. Just love. As my one friend so beautifully puts.. “from my heart to yours”.

So through the loss of people I work with I have found joy in true friends. Joylicious!!

Ode to Joy

2010-08-06T09:45:00.001-07:00

The holidays. Love them. Hate them. No one has any money but spends too much. People are crabby and stressed but expected to attend holiday parties and smile and be gay. Deck the halls with bows of holly. With the economy many people I knew were out of work and wondering what kind of Christmas it would be this year. It’s cold outside. We eat too much and drink too much. Love Christmas music but if you listen to the words of some of the songs they really don’t reflect the holidays. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas (no one I know is jolly during that time). I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas (yikes please no - it brings the city to a halt). And work is crazy as it’s the busiest time of year for newspapers so it’s a blessing and a frustration.

My point is, I already have a hard time during the holidays and 2009 was even worse than usual. I was more than broke. Furlough days at work were really creating havoc with my finances. I had to put my angel kitty Charlie down on December 8th after much agony and the urging of my family. We were all missing my step-mother and having to make decisions on the family dinner, traditions, and decorations that she, as our matriarch, had always taken care of. I guess it was time to grow up!

I tried to reflect on this time as a glorious rebirth of our Lord Jesus Christ. I prayed for guidance and meditated for serenity. I do love Christmas hymns that praise the joy of the holiday and the birth of Jesus. I played them often on the stereo. I did some shopping, mostly for my daughter. And I put up a tree hoping it would put me in the spirit.

But I kept wondering, where is my joy? Where is my happy ending? When do things start turning around for me? Another Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve as a single woman. And so depleted of any sense of self that I almost didn’t care and was in some respects relieved I didn’t have to be happy and upbeat for a mate.

How do you get past this period of your life and move into the joyous, happiness that once was? The excitement of Christmas morning and opening your Santa presents that were really from mom and dad? The wonderful smells of turkey and ham cooking. The sounds of family laughing and great conversations? Caroling, snow ball fights, Secret Santa gifts, gloriously decorated houses with lights twinkling in the windows. I wanted it all again but was so far away from it I didn’t know how to find it again.

I really, really prayed that 2010 would be the start of a new, fresh, fun, joylicious year! Just gotta figure out how to get there!

The First Step

2010-08-05T13:31:00.001-07:00

In October 2009 my wonderful friend Chris let me know that Dr Pat Baccili had posted a Holistic Makeover contest on her website. Chris was a winner in last year’s contest and really wanted me to enter for a chance to change my life this year.

The problem was that it was one of the worst periods of my life. My father had spent the entire month of July in the hospital and even though he was home, most of August and September were spent either at his doctor appointments or in physical therapy.

I also had some medical issues of my own in August that the doctors could not diagnose. Dizzy spells that caused me to fall down at odd times combined with a fear of driving and of having to drive anyway to get to and from work and my father’s home. And living in a 3^rd floor walk-up that had very steep stairs and made me afraid to leave my house.

In addition, my beloved cat Charlie (more about him in the future) had developed a tumor in his spine and lost the use of his back legs. He wasn’t in pain but I did have him in diapers as he could no longer get in and out of his litter box.

A lot to deal with! And now Chris wanted me to enter a contest and tell why I deserved a holistic makeover! On top of that it involved writing a 500 word essay including how I would pay it forward. The thought of completing an essay was daunting enough but to pay it forward too? I was already stretched as far as I could see and beyond. How would I possibly find time to complete a pay it forward project?

I finally just sat down one day and wrote. I was so depressed that day. One of my dear friends retired from our department at work. My kitty wasn’t doing well. My family was needing me. How could I express paying anything forward? But I wrote. And I read it and thought…oh my goodness this is ridiculous and the most depressing story. But I figured whatever the universe has in store for me I will accept. I will just send it and then I can honestly tell Chris I did it. The essay was my blog titled “My Story” from yesterday. I figured that would be the end of it. I copy and pasted into Dr Pat’s website. I pressed the button thinking I would have a chance to proofread and a message would pop up asking, “are you sure?” But it didn’t! I thought, OMG it went as is.

So I sent a little prayer up to God and forgot about it. Little realizing I had started a change in myself and my life!

My Story

2010-08-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

The last two years have been a time of loss for me. Loss of a 7+ year relationship, loss of a parent to ALS, loss of personal time due to the illness and caretaking of the surviving parent, loss of several close co-workers due to company downsizing or retirements, loss of a home I loved due to the economy, loss of my boss to cancer, loss of my health for a time and loss of libido due to menopause. And even the loss of 50 lbs due to stringent dieting! But through all of this I also feel like I lost my identity, sexuality and the essence of who I am or who I thought I was. Everything I thought was true about my life, family and lover wasn’t. My reality or perception of it was changed and I felt like I was kicked in the gut and forced to see that I needed to look at my life completely different.

In becoming caretaker for my parents I didn’t taken care of myself. I have turned inward and begun intensive meditating, prayer and self examination. I’ve also been battling depression and lack of joy in my life for these two years and I’ve become more reclusive and lonely as my circle of friends and co-workers have become narrower through this process. And I have gained back most of the weight I had lost. I don’t like this about myself because I’ve always considered myself happy, joyful, powerful and with lots of loving friends. I am continually asking myself “where did I or the reality of me go"?

In writing this blog I want to explore dealing with loss, grief, and coming out the other side a whole person. A better person. Someone who is strong, vibrant, healthy in mind and body. I want to explore holistic weight loss, possibly dating again, dealing with life and learning how to have that JOYLICIOUS LIFE we all want!