Just Deal~

How do you learn to overcome disappointment?  Especially when it is of your own making?  I have been working and working on my personal goals and it seems everytime I get to where I can just taste it I feel it gets snatched from me!  I know I have to learn patience and it's the universe's way of letting me know I'm not quite ready.  But it's hard!

I found this article on E-How.com that I thought I would share with you.  Hopefully we can all learn something and move on to wonderful new things!

How to Overcome Disapointment - by Tielle Webb

Everyone experiences disappointment in life. Not the disappointment you feel when trying to make a green light, but it changes just before you get there, or you open the fridge to grab a soda only to discover there aren’t any. We are talking major disappointment. The distress, frustration and sadness you feel when you have your heart set on something--a job promotion, or getting into a certain college, for example--only to learn it is not going to happen. Getting over these big letdowns in life can be tough, but not impossible.

Instructions 

1) Give yourself a chance to grieve. When you are feeling disappointed, it is because you are suffering a loss. Even though the loss might not have been a physical one, an emotional loss is still very real. In your heart and mind you had envisioned and maybe even fallen in love with whatever you were hoping for. Nurse those wounds for a while. 

2)  Ask questions and try to learn from the situation. For example, if you were passed over for a promotion at work, talk to your supervisor about what you could have done differently to earn the job.

3)  Take steps to prevent being similarly disappointed in the future. If you are disappointed in a relationship, find ways to improve that relationship or perhaps walk away from it. If you are seeking better employment but have been unsuccessful, consider taking some college classes or brushing up on interviewing skills.

4)  Help someone else. When we are down and disappointed, it is easy to have a kind of tunnel vision where we only see our pain and hurt. By reaching out and lending a hand to someone else who is hurting, your focus will be taken from your own disappointment, at least for a while, and it will give you something positive to concentrate on.

5)  Realize that many times in life, when we don't get the thing we really want, something much better comes along down the road. Think back on times when you were seriously disappointed in the past, only to later be so glad that whatever you were hoping for didn't come to pass. Then, take every day as it comes, knowing that as time passes, the pain will pass as well.

Watch Out~

I have been thinking a lot lately about all the hurdles that I have been jumping to achieve my current goals and I've come to some conclusions!

1) Don't get in your own way. - I'm the worst at this.  I will fret and fuss and worry myself and end up not accomplishing anything.  I need to learn to let go and let things happen the way they are supposed to.  Not be so controlling.

2) Don't expend energy on negatives in your life.  - This includes friends, co-workers and even family.  Even though I work for a newspaper, I try to avoid watching or reading excessive news.  It upsets me and depresses me and that isn't healthy.  Most of it is out of my control so it works better for me to avoid it.  I also try to stay away from negative people or clear their energy if I do have to be around them for extended periods of time.

3) "Don't dip into the past to be miserable in the present moment." quote by Louise Hay.  - I'm just as bad as most people when it comes to looking backwards instead of forward in my life.  I will dredge up old hurts or lacks and focus on them or wallow in them instead of what's important right now.  The past is over.  It can't hurt me anymore than I let it and it shouldn't affect the direction I now want my life to go.

4) Don't make it harder than it has to be. - Making more work for yourself or more drama for yourself isn't productive.  It doesn't do you any good and it doesn't do anything to enhance your life.  Let things flow downstream.  Quit fighting the current!

5) Don't beat yourself up. - Everyone makes mistakes.  We're human.  But correct the mistake and move on.  Dwelling doesn't change the mistake but fixing it or changing the pattern does.

6) Don't over-extend yourself. - Cheryl Richardson suggests that we schedule "breathing room" each day for ourselves.  Learn to say no.  Prioritize your life and make yourself your first priority.

7) Don't think "I can do it all". - Learn to delegate.  This one's hard for me.  I want to do it all.  I think, mistakenly, that I can do it better than anyone else or that it's easier and quicker to do it myself.  But I am depriving myself of shared experiences and depriving others of stepping up and helping.


Do - honor yourself and your space.
Do - eat right and get plenty of sleep.
Do - use your energy for good.
Do - be kind to yourself.
Do - ask for help.
Do - give yourself a break.
Do - be gentle with yourself and your health.
Do - meditate and take a breath.
Do - be your own best friend.
Do - be present in your life.
Do - be happy!

Now go...do it!!  It's joylicious!

Happy Mother's Day

A few weeks ago we celebrated Mother's Day.  I hope all the mother's out there were celebrated by their families and treated to a very special day!  But I think every day should be Mother's Day and every woman should treat herself as special as all mothers are on that annual Sunday.

Are you taking care of yourself and putting yourself first?  I believe that, just like the stewardesses in an airplane advise, you need to put on your own breathing mask first so that you can take care of everyone better in your life and be present for them.  Are you taking time for yourself each day?

I used to burn the candle at both ends.  I used to stay up late and get up early and I would go-go-go the entire day.  Now I take time each day to do some deep breathing.   I still wake up early but many mornings I take a few extra minutes to put on my iPod and listen to a favorite morning meditation.  I lay all warm and snuggly in my bed and listen to the wonderful words as they wash over me and start my day off on just the right note!  I also go to bed earlier these days.  Not because there is less to do but because it's better for my health and well-being to get a good night's sleep.

I also am learning how to set good boundaries.  How to nicely say no when I'm starting to feel overextended.  If I truly don't want to do something or I know that it would be detrimental to my health then I politely say, "let me think about that" or "that just doesn't work with my schedule right now".  Putting my needs first makes me a better and more whole person when I am needed by others.  Sometimes "not working with my schedule" can just mean that I'm going to take this hour to read a good book.  Or that I'm going to take a cat nap or a hot bath.  But I'm babying myself and watching out for my health so that in turn I can watch out for my father's health or my daughter's well-being.

I also try to find reasons to laugh more.  Laughter can strengthen your immune system and promote healing.  It's good for your heart and good for stress.  And why wouldn't anyone not want to laugh?  I recently read a great article on Livestrong.com that was the 12 Reasons to laugh for your health. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14964-12-fun-reasons-to-laugh-for-your-health/   I would think it would be good for many more than 12 reasons but this is an excellent start!

I'm trying to exercise more as well.  Not as much as I should but I think every reason to laugh is also the same reason to exercise.  It's great for stress and it raises your energy level. Especially if you walk outside it is an excellent mood elevator.  I always feel better when I walk outside.  We have several walking paths along creeks around my office.  It makes a nice break in the day to walk along watching the ducks swimming and kids playing in the softball fields instead of eating at my desk and rushing through my day.

And the best part of laughter and exercise is that they are both free!  An easy way to take care of ourselves and neither one of them adds weight or is hard on your pocket book!

So stop and enjoy your life today.  Stop and take a moment.  Take a breath.  And then you can get on to the business of life and, if necessary, caregiving.  Joylicious!!

Spring has Sprung~

I sat outside at lunch today to soak up some sunhine.  It is a balmy 54 degrees and not a cloud in the sky!  I am so excited for spring to get here and eventually summer.  I love that the days are getting longer.  I just wish that we would start to have more sunny days and not such chilly nights.

I read yesterday that many Seattleites are still not wanting to plant their gardens yet as it still gets down to almost freezing each night.  And April was noted as the coldest ever recorded since 1890 something.  I yearn for the warmth on my skin and the breezes of fresh cut grass and flowers.  The apple blossoms blooming got me in the mood and now the tulips and daffodils are just beautiful!

I wore only a tank top and short sleeve shirt today and as I sat huddled on the steps of the building, goose bumps on my arms, it amused me to see other people's reactions to the elusive sun here.  I watched joggers in shorts and tank tops running down the street.  I saw convertibles with the tops down and the drivers wearing coats and caps!  I could hear the frogs from North Creek and see the ducks waddling around looking for food.  There was a group of guys playing soccer in the field across the street.  Their exuberance catching.  We love our sun here.  We don't get enough of it.

They are calling for rain again tomorrow and through next week.  So today I'm going to soak up as much as I can and hope it's only light showers tomorrow and not rain. (Only a Washingtonian would understand that!)  And I'm hopeful it's gone by next Friday as I'm going to the Rhody festival in Port Townsend for the weekend.  But even if it isn't sunny I know there will be a big crowd enjoying ourselves at the fair looking at all the beautiful rhododendrons!  Joylicious fun!!

My Two Cents~

I'm having a hard time today wrapping my head around the death of Osama Bin Laden.  I think it's good that there is one less evil in the world but I personally don't agree that you should ever rejoice in someone's death.  And I worry about retribution from the Taliban.  I see people rejoicing and celebrating in the streets crying, "USA, USA, USA!" and I wonder if the people in the middle east look upon that as we did them when they were rejoicing and shouting "Allah, Allah" after the nightmare of 9/11.

I heard it described on the news very well tonight when someone said, "they cut off the head of the snake but there is still a lot of snake left".  This was said by a father of a soldier killed in Afganistan not some peace loving hippie.  I worry about what could come of these actions of celebration.  I am glad all the Navy Seals are ok.  I'm glad that they recovered as much information from the compound as they did after the fighting.  But I have a real hard time rejoicing over this death and any war of any kind.

Everyone says they have God on their side.  But we are all children of God so how does that make any side right?  Or does that make every side right?  I'm saying a prayer for Bin Laden's soul and a prayer for our country tonight.

Dear Lord, please keep us all safe.  Amen.

ps - Some of the facebook rants and comments have been very disturbing to me too. I'm tempted to cancel my account. I want to read about my family and friends and their happy lives.  I don't want to read about politics, war, or other soap box issues.  Just my two cents...

It's a Blessed Life

I feel truly blessed lately.  I have had so many wonderful things happen to me since I started the Dr. Pat Holistic Makeover.  I have been gifted coaching sessions with some of the most amazing people.

 First up was life coach Sharon Roy, http://www.raisinggrace.com/.  I was gifted 3 sessions with this gentle, loving, and truly amazing woman.  I can say with absolute truth that my sessions with her were life changing.  She has such a sweet way with guiding you through life’s journey.  I really admire her greatly!

Sharon and I worked on my lifelong  feelings of lack of self-worth.  I have always struggled with the fact that I don’t feed the hungry, or heal people, or have any huge accomplishments that are physical proof that I’m making a difference in the world or in anyone’s life.  Sharon helped me see that just by my being an open hearted, loving person, bringing my messages of joy to people can sometimes mean more to the universe than someone who makes lots of physical changes to the world but does them with the wrong intentions.  That meant so much to me!  I have been working ever since on living with an open heart. 

This very wise woman also told me that where I was in my life was "perfect".  That the fact that I never heard from my ex after our split was a blessing and all the closure I needed.  She said, "rejection is perfection".  It is the universe's way of telling us that a person or situation aren't right for us.  We shouldn't take it personally and we shouldn't fret over the outcome.  Just bless the moment and move on.  This is a life lesson that I will always thank her for!

Next up in my journey was being introduced to realtor Cathy Staup, http://cathystauphomes.com/.  She is going to guide me to realizing my lifelong dream of owning my own home.  I was very skeptical at first.  I have struggled with money issues and my finances all of my adult life.  But I have also worked very hard over the past two years to pay off my old debt and live frugally by downsizing twice and not purchasing anything new, including clothes, during that two year period.  She introduced me to her mortgage broker and between the two of them they told me I should be ready to purchase a home this summer!

This brought up a whole new set of issues for me.  First of all, I figured I wouldn’t be ready to purchase a home for at least 12 months.  Now they were telling me 4 months?  I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.  Second, it started to bring up the “I’m not worthy” issues in me.  All the self-doubt that I have always struggled with bubbled up like I had never worked on any of it just as recently as speaking with Sharon Roy two months earlier!  Cathy was wonderful in reassuring me that it would all go smoothly with her guidance along the way.  I’m putting my trust in her that it will come true!!

Enter Paul McCormick, http://theauthenticmillionaire.com/, author and millionaire mentor, as my next coach.  He sent me an MP3 of his book “The Secrets of the Millionaire Inside” and said we would talk soon.  I downloaded the book to my iPod wondering, “What is Dr. Pat thinking assigning a millionaire coach to me?”  I didn’t want to be a millionaire!  I just want to be happy, comfortable, and someday retire without worries.  Oh, and own my own home!  Now I was really skeptical of this process.  What could I possible have to say to him?  I was also very nervous to contact him.  I didn’t want to disturb or bother someone with my little problems when I’m sure he was busy making millions and working on huge financial  deals.  But I listened to the book and sent off a tentative email.  He responded a little curt and gave me an assignment.  Yikes!  I hadn’t even talked to him yet and I already had homework.  But I was going on faith and trusting the process.  I was going on the hope that Dr. Pat had a bigger plan in mind and that the universe had given me what I really needed and not what I thought I wanted.

So I completed the homework and contacted him again.  I was so nervous during our first conversation.  I told him what I had written as my goals both financially and professionally.  And I got up the courage to tell him that I truly didn’t want to be a millionaire.  We talked for a long time on that first conversation.  I told him about my family life including raising my daughter as a single parent with no spousal support and my history with money.  I told him of my dream of owning a home and retiring comfortably.  He then changed tactics with me.  He asked me if I was spiritual.  I told him “absolutely”.  So he offered to mail me a copy of his first book which he felt I would get a whole lot more out of than his “Secrets of the Millionaire Inside” book.  I received the book within a couple of days.  It’s called “Secrets of the Miracle Inside”.  I couldn’t believe he autographed a copy of it and sent me a hard copy of his “Millionaire” book autographed too.  I felt honored!  And I absolutely LOVE his first book.  I lent it to my daughter and bought a copy for my friend, one of last year’s Holistic Makeover winners, for her birthday.

Over the next several weeks Paul and I worked out a budget and an 8-step program to get me financially free and owning my own home!  I still have trouble believing it some days.  When I get discouraged and feel like things happen, I call them setbacks, he has had me rename them stepping stones.  They are the stepping stones to my future!  It might take me a little longer than some people and I might have to step over a few more stones along the way but I’m starting see the other side!  I see a really good stable future for myself.  And that’s amazing to me!  He told me that next year after I own my home we can work on making me a millionaire.  I just laughed!  He is confident it can happen and I almost believe him! 

During the past several months I have also been on a weight loss journey.  I began a diet with my naturopath physician and lost the 50 lbs I had gained over the previous two years plus an additional 10 pounds!  I feel better than I have in years.  My aches and pains are almost gone.  I have gone down 3 sizes and continuing to lose.  Dr. Pat then offered 3 sessions with naturopathic nutritionist Beve Kindblade, http://www.seattlenutrition.com/.  I went to see her one Saturday and the first thing she did was give me a test to gauge how well my metabolism works.  And it works very well actually!  Probably due to my stringent dieting for the 5 preceding months. 

Beve also had me go back to my doctor and get tested for allergies.  That was a real eye opener!  I thought I was allergic to wheat but found out that I’m not.  But I am allergic to many other things including dairy and tomatoes.  So I went back to see Beve an additional two times.  She changed my diet and put me on a regimen of supplements guaranteed to assist me in my weight loss.  And between her and my doctor they are working on eliminating the inflammation that has plagued my knees and feet for years. 

I’m so excited to be working with Beve.  She is a wealth of information.  So much so that she fills page after page of information for me to take home after each session.  And my head swirls with all the good ideas and helpful suggestions she imparts.  I am going to continue to work with her on my own and get as healthy as I can during the balance of this year. 

I have truly made some dear, wonderful friends during the process of this Holistic Makeover.  Seven of the most amazing women I have ever known (this includes Dr. Pat).  I know that I will be friends with them for the rest of my life and I will always feel like I have a cosmic connection with them and have learned so much from each one of them.  We have all struggled together and supported each other.  We hold each other up. We are Dr. Pat’s amazing Team of 7! 

But I think the biggest lesson I have learned during this whole Holistic Makeover process is that the world is full of possibilities.  That miraculous things can happen when you trust the universe to give you what you need.  It’s amazing!

The other thing I discovered is that I can write!  I have written a couple of articles and even submitted one to Aspire Magazine.  I haven’t heard back yet but one never knows!  I want to continue writing and submit articles to other magazines as well.  And I love writing my blog and wish I had more time to devote to it.  I would even like to possibly write a book someday. Maybe when I’m sitting on the porch of my new home as a retired, skinny, millionaire?

You never know…life and the universe is so amazing that way!  And that is truly joylicious!

Speak Kindly

Another good one from Cheryl Richardson!

Speak Kindly


Last week I had a conversation with a friend who was disappointed in herself for not achieving a goal that she intended to accomplish. As I listened to her talk about what she could have done differently, I was amazed at how hard she was on herself. Really hard. Isn't it strange how we actually think that berating ourselves will somehow make a positive difference? On the contrary, this negative habit usually keeps us stuck and unhappy. Negative self-talk is always a roadblock on the path to success.

To gain a bit of perspective, imagine saying the following to a teenager who was attempting to fulfill an important goal:

• You don't have what it takes.
• I'll never get it right.
• Lower your expectations. You're not good enough.
• It's already been done. Don't bother.
• You should have accomplished this goal by now.

How often do you say these kinds of things to yourself? Every now and then? Every other day? Every day? Every few minutes? Come on! You're so much more than that.

As you continue to live your life and to invest in your personal growth, please remember the following:

Be patient with yourself. If it takes you longer to get where you want to go, there might be a reason for it. If you could rise above your life and view it from a higher perspective you'd see exactly why things happen as they do. Allow for Divine timing. It works.

Ask for help and guidance. I still catch myself trying to go it alone during the most challenging of times. Slowly but surely I am learning that isolation not only slows down my progress, it makes me feel incredibly alone. You don't need to suffer in silence. Give someone an opportunity to help you. They'll get to experience the joy and pleasure that comes from being a generous spirit.

Embrace your disappointment and begin again. You will always face disappointment when you allow yourself to want more from life. And you can live through it. As you face disappointment and come out the other side, you'll develop self-trust - a deep inner knowing that you can handle anything that comes your way.

Speak kindly to yourself. Think of yourself as the teenager in the example above. When you're feeling discouraged the last thing you need is a critical parent beating you up. Instead, give yourself a gentle, loving reminder that your goals aren't nearly as important as your relationship to yourself.

When you feel stuck or unsure of your next step, keep your heart and mind open with positive self-talk.  As you do, you'll find that wisdom and insight suddenly appear to guide you in the right direction.