Friday, April 15, 2011

Oh the Dilemma!

I have been seriously dieting since last September.  I was on a medically supervised diet for 5 months and lost 58 lbs.  In February I quit the diet in order to work on achieving one of my other goals which is owning my own home.  With that said, I was hoping to continue losing weight on my own.  But this is such a challenge for me!  

Thanks to being a winner of the Dr. Pat Bacilli Holistic Makeover contest, I was gifted coaching sessions with several different types of coaches.  I have worked with life coach Sharon Roy,, and I am currently working with author and millionaire mentor Paul McCormick,  In addition to these two fabulous people I was also gifted 3 sessions with holistic naturopathic nutritionist Beve Kindblade,

The intention was that in working with Beve I could, and would, continue on my weight loss path.  But that hasn't worked out as well as I had planned!  I am finding that my will power is non-existent.  I had a birthday in March and it seems as if it has been non-stop birthday party central ever since with my friends and family celebrating several during the past few weeks.  I try, Lord knows, to keep to a diet but it has been so difficult.  

Beve is an amazing woman and such a wealth of diet information that it boggles the mind to the point of almost being overwhelming as I try to absorb everything she tells me.  She had me go to my regular doctor and get allergy tested.  I found, to my amazement, that I have a severe allergy to tomatoes!  How bizarre!  I'm also allergic to dairy milk so I am trying to adjust to unsweetened almond milk instead.  This is hard as well for me as I love my cereal and milk in the morning!  But I'm thinking that if I can control my allergies maybe I can control other parts of my diet too!  And then, eventually, other aspects of my life.

I guess the deeper problem though is why do I feel the need to eat bad things?  If I have cookies or crackers or anything carbs in my house I will eat it.  It's like it calls my name in the middle of the night!  I can't eat one or two cookies.  I have to eat the whole bag.  Carbs are not my friend!!!  Beve told me that when you crave carbs it is because you aren't eating enough protein.  I tend to believe that a little bit because sometimes when I get a craving I grab some cooked chicken and eat it and it helps take the craving away.  I do the same thing when I'm craving sweets by grabbing an apple.  Sometimes I even bake the apple with cinnamon and nutmeg and I feel like I'm having dessert!  

I eat my salad and protein, drinking my water and minding my own business, and then I get side-tracked.  A party here, a concert/late night dinner there, a night where I'm stressed or depressed, or just too tired to cook, and before you know it…bam…a piece of cake eaten, a bag of cookies gone, and on and on.  And then I feel yucky, my scale is going the wrong direction, and I beat myself up once again. 

One of the things I'm realizing about myself is that if I am held accountable to someone I will be more likely stay on the diet.  But even having to see Beve this weekend hasn't made behave this time.  So that can't be all of it.  I have to dig into my soul and try and figure this out.  What is my resistance to losing weight?  What is my resistance to feeling good?  What payoff am I giving myself by eating poorly instead of a beautiful and healthy body?  It's such a dilemma to me!

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