Wednesday, August 4, 2010

My Story

The last two years have been a time of loss for me. Loss of a 7+ year relationship, loss of a parent to ALS, loss of personal time due to the illness and caretaking of the surviving parent, loss of several close co-workers due to company downsizing or retirements, loss of a home I loved due to the economy, loss of my boss to cancer, loss of my health for a time and loss of libido due to menopause. And even the loss of 50 lbs due to stringent dieting! But through all of this I also feel like I lost my identity, sexuality and the essence of who I am or who I thought I was. Everything I thought was true about my life, family and lover wasn’t. My reality or perception of it was changed and I felt like I was kicked in the gut and forced to see that I needed to look at my life completely different.

In becoming caretaker for my parents I didn’t taken care of myself. I have turned inward and begun intensive meditating, prayer and self examination. I’ve also been battling depression and lack of joy in my life for these two years and I’ve become more reclusive and lonely as my circle of friends and co-workers have become narrower through this process. And I have gained back most of the weight I had lost. I don’t like this about myself because I’ve always considered myself happy, joyful, powerful and with lots of loving friends. I am continually asking myself “where did I or the reality of me go"?

In writing this blog I want to explore dealing with loss, grief, and coming out the other side a whole person.  A better person.  Someone who is strong, vibrant, healthy in mind and body.  I want to explore holistic weight loss, possibly dating again, dealing with life and learning how to have that JOYLICIOUS LIFE we all want!

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